Missing scenes season 2 Star Trek VOY
by Kurbits
Summary: These are Tom/B'Elanna centred missing scenes for the second season of Star Trek Voyager. This story is complete.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _The 37's_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. It's decision time. Why are they staying on Voyager?

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><p>"You're not the first person I've heard talking like this. A lot of people are thinking about staying," B'Elanna said leaning her head on her hands.<p>

"What about you?" Harry asked. "Don't you have some of those feelings?"

She glanced away for a moment and shrugged her shoulders. "I'd be lying if I said I didn't. I'm not so sure though that it would be a home for me. In fact, I'm pretty sure it wouldn't."

"Why is that?" He was a bit surprised by the lack of enthusiasm on B'Elanna's part. Aside from the war, she didn't miss much of home. Well, she didn't miss the war either, she just wished she could go back and do what she felt she had to.

"Harry, I didn't have an easy time growing up on Kessik IV. I'm not human, in case you missed that." She hesitated. "I'm not Klingon either," she murmured. "I don't anticipate these people to be any different than the ones on Kessik IV. As it is, I'd rather stay here, though I must admit that I'm not looking forward to spending 70 years with Tom Paris.

"Hey! I heard that!" Tom exclaimed as he came up to the table where Harry and B'Elanna sat with a mug in his hand.

"I was kidding. I saw you were heading this way," B'Elanna said with a small smile on her lips.

Tom grinned. "I figured," he said and sat down next to Harry.

"So Tom, have you decided what to do?" Harry asked.

Tom's eyebrows shot up and he turned to look at him. "You mean, about staying?" Harry nodded. Tom looked straight in front of him and was quiet for a moment and then he looked back at Harry and gave him a crooked smile. "I didn't think I had to decide. Staying was never an option." Both Harry and B'Elanna stared at him. "What? Who'd fly this thing?" He picked up his coffee and took a sip.

"But… I really thought you'd stay," B'Elanna said. "They don't have space travel. You'd become a hero here, developing it, teaching people to fly…"

"B'Elanna, I'm a pilot, not an engineer. A really good engineer would have to decide to stay too if we were to bring space flight to these people. I assume you have no plans on staying?" he said.

"No… No, I'm not," she answered.

"Then I won't stay either." He took another sip.

Harry looked at Tom with surprise. "You'd stay if B'Elanna did?" he asked.

"I didn't say that. I said that if I had decided to stay, I would have needed an engineer like B'Elanna to stay as well if I was going to do some good around here. Since she's not staying, that rules out any possibilities to develop space flight. Therefore I'm not staying. Not that I was thinking about it anyway."

"There are other engineers here on Voyager. One of them might stay," Harry pointed out with a smile. He enjoyed this. Tom had made a slip and he was not going to let him talking his way out of this one.

"I wasn't going to stay anyway!" Tom threw out his hands and his eyebrows shot up.

"Because B'Elanna is staying," Harry said.

"Hey you!" B'Elanna interjected. "I'm right here, on the other side of the table," she continued, looking a bit annoyed.

Tom gave her a quick glance and then he glared at Harry who smiled contently. "Are your ears always that colour? I can't remember. B'Elanna, are his ears not more red than usual?" Harry said and looked over at B'Elanna. She crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair. A small smile crept over her face.

"Yeah, actually," she leaned forward and placed her folded arms on the table and scrutinised Tom before continuing, "they are kind of red. In fact, his neck is rather red as well."

Tom looked quite uncomfortable. "Will you stop it!" Harry and B'Elanna burst out in a laugh.

"I'm sorry Tom, but I couldn't resist it," Harry said still smiling widely. Tom gave him another glare and lifted his mug to drink some more. B'Elanna leaned back in her chair again and watched an irked Tom drink his coffee. He was staying and she was happy about that. Not because he was a really good pilot, but because he was Tom. Days would become more dull if he wasn't around. Holodeck programs would be more dull. No one would poke at her when she bottled up. She'd have no one to take out her anger at. It was still a bit strange though. He had repeatedly said he had nothing at home, no family, no friends and just like the Maquis, coming home would mean… imprisonment. Unless they could somehow jump ship when arriving in the Alpha quadrant.

"Tom, why are you staying?" she asked and leaned forward putting her arms on the table again.

"My home is here. On Voyager. The chance of finding a shortcut taking us back home is slim, next to none. The risk is there, but I'd rather stay on Voyager and live my life here, with people I know and care about. I focus on the present and I have accepted that I might end my life as an old man out here. I'd rather do that than leaving Voyager to live among strangers. They're nice people, but I'd miss this," he looked around the mess hall. "I'd miss you." He looked at Harry and B'Elanna. "I'll take my chances, hoping we won't get back home before the idea to put me and the Maquis crew in a penal colony is dead."

Harry smiled. "I'd miss you too. And Voyager." He glanced around just like Tom had moments before.

Tom leaned forward looking B'Elanna straight in the eyes. "What bout you then B'Elanna. Why aren't you staying?"

B'Elanna glanced away. "I don't belong on this world. In the long run my Klingon side would… cause problems. It always does."

"With that kind of reasoning you don't belong here either." Tom kept looking at her trying to catch her eyes.

"It's been better than I thought it would be. I mean here on Voyager. I'm also taking my chances, hoping it'll take a while before we come home. This is not a bad life." She laughed nervously. "I don't have to worry about fashion." She was silent again and lifted her eyes and met Tom's gaze, tilted her head and raised her chin slightly. "And I have my friends here."

Tom smiled gently. "I'm glad you're staying." He turned and looked at Harry. "It'd be pretty dark here if we didn't have this fluorescent ensign here too," he smiled.

"I'm not that green any more," Harry retorted.

"No, it's more of a spring green these days," Tom teased.

"You just wait. In a few years, when you're beginning to struggle with that belly, you're going to envy me being younger than you," Harry said triumphantly. B'Elanna laughed.

"Oh, I'm going to whip your ass in the gym even when I'm 60!" Tom huffed.

"Yeah, yeah, we'll see about that." Harry paused. "Well guys, it's time. Break's over."

They rose from their seats, picking up their mugs heading for the doors. After disposing of the mugs Tom elbowed Harry who tripped Tom in response. Tom managed to keep his balance and B'Elanna half-turned and said, "Children, behave yourself."

Tom and Harry grinned. "Yes ma'am!" they responded in a chorus. B'Elanna smiled and shook her head and continued out through the doors.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Initiations_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. This scene takes place as Chakotay is doing his _A-koo-chee-moya_ call right at the end of the episode. Harry has been observant.

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><p>"He's not my favourite cook, but he knows his Kazons," Tom sighed as he watched Harry take aim on the pool table. The shot went astray. "Harry, you're one really good scientist! Calculations shouldn't be that hard for you!" Tom said and threw out his hands with cue and all.<p>

"I'll have you know that there's nothing wrong with my calculations. It's just a bit difficult to convey theory in to practice," Harry answered. "It's difficult to know just how hard I should shoot. It's not like I can program myself."

"That's where practice comes in. You need to get a feel for it. Know yourself. Maybe you should do as golfers, just shoot balls," Tom suggested. Harry pressed his lips together and glared at the table. "It's a really good exercise and you don't have to get nervous because you've got nothing to prove," he continued.

Harry looked up at Tom. "I'll think about it," he responded.

"Why don't we just take a break, okay? " Tom said and walked over to the cue stand and put the cue away. Harry followed suit after gathering the balls. As they sat down at a table Sandrine came over with a tray with two glasses, which she placed in front of the two men.

"I see a need for Sancerre, I think," she smiled. "Harry mon chérie, I have picked out a fine Sauvignon Blanc especially for you; to cheer you up."

Harry gave her a bleak smile and thanked her. With a wink she sauntered back to the bar. "I don't think I'll ever get used to that mon chérie thing," he said and lifted his glass to sniff at it.

"She's just being friendly," Tom said patiently. He wondered how many times he would have to repeat that before people actually got that Sandrine was just friendly. One of these days he'd be tempted to modify the program. He picked up the glass and took a sip.

"So tell me, how was the captaincy?" Harry asked.

Tom grimaced. "Well, at least I didn't make a complete fool out of myself. I was a bit sceptical about having Neelix there, but he sure managed them well, those Kazon."

"Yeah." Harry hesitated for a moment. "May I ask why B'Elanna was on the bridge today? Even when she can she usually prefer being down in engineering anyway."

"Simple," Tom replied and held up the glass and gazed at the beverage inside. "You and I were the only senior officers on the bridge after Chakotay found himself stranded on that moon and the captain and Tuvok went down to try and find him. We were expecting company. I asked B'Elanna to work from the bridge because I wanted her there. I can push you to the tactical station if needs be and she can take over yours, and if we suddenly are faced with a problem which need a creative solution fast, then you and B'Elanna are the ones who can come up with one." He took another sip of his wine. "I really like Sancerre wines," he continued.

"It's okay," Harry replied.

"You're a barbarian Harry. These are some of the best Sauvignon Blanc wines there are," Tom retorted with a grin.

Harry sighed. He'd never get used to wines, especially not white wines, he was sure of it. "Okay, so I can handle tactical, but Tuvok has drilled the tac staff well you know. I'm pretty sure they could handle things."

"That's true. However, I know I can throw stunts that can confuse people who don't usually work with me. Tuvok can actually calculate what I'm doing so I know he can foresee my moves. You're used to how I think as well. I've heard you across the bridge when you've said boom at the exact moment Tuvok actually fires."

Harry's eyes widened and he nearly dropped his jaw. "You couldn't possibly have heard that!"

"It can be pretty quiet at moments even during an attack. I have excellent hearing you know." Tom grinned. "Anyway, that's just part of it. The most important reason to have B'Elanna on her station was that we could have needed some creative thinking."

"Huh. So… no other reasons than that?" Harry asked.

"No." Tom looked uncomfortable and raised the glass to take a sip.

"So you didn't feel like you needed some extra support from the flank?" Harry continued innocently.

Tom looked up over the brim of the glass and then he set it down on the table. He really didn't know what to answer to throw Harry off. The reasons he had given Harry for asking B'Elanna to be on the bridge were sound. However, when the Kazon showed up and he was talking to them, he had repeatedly glanced at her for personal support. He hadn't been able to stop himself and he knew why.

"I… I guess I felt she could… You know, she's a Maquis. No offence, but you don't really know what that means, Harry. She's used to conflict to put it mildly. She and the other Maquis have been hunted and attacked constantly for years. They have experience very few of the Starfleet personnel have. _I_ wanted her there because of that. She's a Maquis with fighting experience, she's a senior officer and the one among the Maquis I know best. She could probably handle tactical too if needed." He paused for a moment. "Yes, I wanted extra support from the flank."

"I hadn't thought about that," Harry said trying to hide that he felt a bit stupid.

Tom smiled slightly. Harry liked to tease him about B'Elanna and obviously thought he had nailed him there for a moment. He decided to continue on the topic to make sure Harry would drop the B'Elanna hints. "Even if the Maquis don't have the schooling we have that doesn't mean they can't contribute in difficult situations. By now we've been shot at a couple of times, so everyone knows what that's like, but these guys are battle hardened." He chuckled. "And Neelix saved the day, and he's not Starfleet in any way."

Harry chuckled as well. He was a bit disappointed that Tom had managed to talk himself out of the situation. By now he could admit he liked B'Elanna too in this conversation with retained honour. You like your friends after all so he could feign surprise over Harry's insinuations and deny any warmer feelings, other than pure friendly ones. Harry lifted his glass to drink some while he continued his musings. He was certain Tom liked B'Elanna a bit more than what he generally liked friends, but he wouldn't admit it. Well, he'd succeed at some point in coaxing the truth out of Tom. He was sure of it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Projections_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. I really struggled here. An episode about the Doctor's delusions gave me the possibility to write quite freely but I think I started over three times before I finally ended up here. I felt that the Tom centred season two stage needed to be set many ways; Kes, Janeway's trust and her comment at the end of the newt episode and Tom's reaction to his father in _Persistence of Vision_, among other things.

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><p>Tom strolled out of the turbolift quietly whistling. The chaos down on holodeck 1 had not affected him as such but naturally everyone who knew about the Doctor's predicament had been worried. Despite his crusty appearance when Tom visited sickbay earlier, the Doctor had seemed pleased with the attention from the rest of the crew. Many had taken time to swing by sickbay that day after the EMH was brought back.<p>

He had also stopped by in engineering to talk to B'Elanna for a moment. Harry, the captain and commander Chakotay had all been missing on the bridge during the latter part of his shift so no news about the status of the holodecks were to be had from them. The information was but a light tap on the combadge away, but he used the lack of news as an excuse to pass by engineering. The sight that greeted him when he stepped through the doors was truly awesome; the brilliantly blue core and the humming never ceased to amaze him and was enough in itself to lure him there on occasion. The fact that this was B'Elanna's domain made the visits sometimes necessary and always worth a detour, like today. B'Elanna had been making the rounds she always did right before going off a shift and she had been talkative and in a light mood, providing him with the news that all was well. Holodecks were safe to use. As Tom left engineering to go down to holodeck 1 he was whistling.

He walked down the corridor thinking about how life was developing. Seven months after ending up in the Delta quadrant he had a good life. He had friends and he was flying again. The Delta quadrant had changed things completely and though he didn't want to admit it, he had been given a purpose. It had grown on him and the initial fear of failure had faded. He had been tried and he had realised that he was good enough, that he wasn't destined to screw up in the end. The captain had somehow understood why he had messed things up at the Banean home world and they had talked at length about his fears and how to change the downward spiral he seemed to end up in time and time again. They didn't have a councelor on Voyager, but that was just as well he had informed the captain. The councelors he had come across hadn't exactly helped, and some even made things worse. The captain had suggested he'd work something out with the Doctor and Kes, to help him get perspective on things. Janeway had drily said that if he ever had any delusions of any sort, good or bad, he'd be corrected instantly by the EMH. Kes on the other hand was an empath who perhaps could give him new views on his life.

The captain had been right. Kes had been a good listener and their discussions had been good for him. The talks had the added bonus that they had become good friends too. She was a charming girl, kind and gentle; not quite his kind of woman, but it was impossible to not be attracted to her. Tom smirked. No, she was charming but that was all, he decided. Impossible women were a specialty of his, but he had decided that such infatuations had to come to an end. He'd stick to keeping his eyes on the single ones and Kes really couldn't compare with… He stopped his train of thoughts from wandering in that direction. Not now, and not today, he decided.

Tom directed his thoughts in the captain's direction. Though no one really got close to the captain he did feel she trusted him now. He grinned when he thought about her habit of standing next to him with her hand on his shoulder. Tom didn't mind. Some people were the touch kind, and the captain was obviously one of those. It had increased though after the talk they'd had, as if she meant it as encouragement and support. What an ocean of strength that woman had! He certainly didn't envy her position and the decisions she had to take.

His thoughts wandered and he grinned again when he remembered the quiet discussions between the captain and the commander when they sat on the bridge. They obviously thought they weren't overheard, but the acoustics on the bridge were excellent. There was nothing spectacular about the discussions as such, but there was a… tone in their voices sometimes which revealed that the two had grown quite close. The shift had been happening so slowly one almost didn't notice it, but Chakotay had gradually taken over as the chief confidant from Tuvok. His thoughts were interrupted as he came up to the control panel outside holodeck 1 and he realised that a program already was running. His eyebrows shot up as he saw that it was his bayou program that was running. It was still not quite finished and as far as he knew only B'Elanna knew about it and he knew for a fact that it wasn't B'Elanna who was in there. With his curiosity piqued, he opened the doors and stepped inside.

The humid warmth washed over him as he slowly walked towards the landing-stage. He turned around to see if he could spot the person who had opened his program, but no one could be seen. As he arrived at the landing-stage he noticed someone sitting on the same spot as B'Elanna had been when they had taken a tour with the boat.

"It's a quite different environment compared to Sandrine's you've created," Janeway said and turned her head to look at Tom. She smiled widely and continued, "I heard your footsteps on the planks." She turned her torso and leaned on her left hand to face Tom on the landing-stage. "It's interesting, I just realised I could probably recognise all the senior officers by the way they walk. I instantly recognised you, that half hesitatingly walk you sometimes have. Too careful a thread to be Harry." She shook her head. "Aside from Tuvok I wouldn't have been able to pinpoint character traits like that before." Tom straightened and put his hands behind his back while he listened. Janeway noticed and sighed inwardly. Tom Paris, born and bred Starfleet, certainly knew what protocol said about behaviour towards a captain. Perhaps it was because of his time spent in opposition to Starfleet that he still could act a bit stiffly around her. The Delta quadrant had been his chance to start over. She looked down at her right hand and wondered how many times she had touched the man on the landing-stage by now. Often she would walk over to him where he was sitting, placing her hand on his shoulder. She would do it when ordering him to do something, asking him questions or generally discussing issues with him. It happened almost every day. She hadn't felt like he disapproved of this so she hadn't given it any thought, until today when she realised he still was a bit reserved towards her. She instinctively touched people, even Tuvok on occasion, and with Tom she had decided he could use some extra encouragement, letting him know his captain trusted him. Perhaps she had been wrong?

"Tom, I must ask you, are you uncomfortable with the way I act on the bridge?" she asked with a serious voice and looked straight at him.

Tom looked surprised. "No ma'am," he said with a frown.

Janeway rose and walked down the gangway and stopped in front of him. "I appreciate professional behaviour, as you are aware of." She paused and gave him a small smile. "But I can sense when someone continues to have that reserve in moments such as this, when it's not really necessary."

Tom glanced down at the ground and laughed a short and nervous laugh before looking at her again and his eyes betrayed embarrassment. "Captain, you know my father. You know his standards. I may have run off and lived a life far from Starfleet and done things which landed me in jail, but I grew up in my fathers' house. I know protocol, though I'm sure Chakotay can vouch for my sometimes not so correct behaviour. You know where all that comes from and I decided I was going to change myself around. Adhering to protocol is one such change. Besides, I was taught ranks don't fraternise. Captains belong in the upper echelons where a simple lieutenant isn't welcome." He felt a bit sheepish after saying that last sentence. Harry had been right, the captain didn't have anyone in her rank to 'get chummy' with.

Janeway smiled at him and put her hand on his shoulder as she had done so many times before. "Tom, I think I understand your reasons. I was simply worried you were uncomfortable with my tendency to touch people. As for the 'upper echelons', I must admit that I find it difficult to be the regular Starfleet captain here in the Delta quadrant. The rules are somewhat different. We all forge friendships we normally wouldn't, and it's inevitable. We are social creatures." She sighed slightly and her smile faded and she looked sad. "It's lonely at the top. I have wrestled with this ever since I realised we had to find our own way back home. What kind of a captain should I be? What can I allow myself? These are very difficult decisions to make."

Tom raised his eyebrows and tilted his head. "You're afraid of fraternisation." It wasn't a question.

Janeway leaned her head slightly, smiled somewhat and peered up at him. "It would complicate things, wouldn't it?" She shook her head. "No, what I can accept when it comes to the crew, even encourage, especially if Voyager is to be turned in to a generation ship, I can't allow myself."

"So if this journey last 70 years you're going to stay married to Voyager?" Tom asked.

She glanced away and let go of his shoulder. When put like that it sounded harsh and lonely. She was perfectly capable of taking care of herself, there was no doubt about that, but the rest of her life like this? For so long she had put off family because of her work, but she thought it was finally happening when she got engaged to Mark. Now it seemed like all that had come to an end. Would she be able to live the rest of her life without that?"

"It's a long time. Even captains are humans," Tom said, interrupting Janeway's thoughts. She looked up at him.

"But the consequences! How could I order what's best for the crew if I have such a relationship? Would I be able to sacrifice that person for the best of this crew if it was needed? It would be a dreadful decision!" She gazed in to Tom's blue eyes.

"I can't answer that." He smiled a small smile. "Even if you never openly commit to a relationship you will still have some who you are closer to, even someone who just might nestle his way in to your heart. It would still be a terrible decision to make, even if you never had said anything. Perhaps even worse since you'd never get the chance to tell him." He looked steadily back at Janeway.

She tilted her head and quirked the corners of her mouth upwards. "Perhaps. I see what B'Elanna meant when she said you were good at putting things in to perspective."

Tom's eyebrows shot up and he leaned slightly forward. "She said that?" he blurted. Janeway laughed and again put her hand on his shoulder. "Yes, she did. I see she's not showering you with compliments." Her smile grew wider and she stepped to Tom's side and turned to face the boat. "Now, tell me about this!" she said, trying to steer the conversation away from the more personal topics. Tom quickly pulled himself together and started explaining the program and showing her the boat.

As they stood at the bow looking out over the bayou, Tom turned to look at the captain. "So tell me, how did you find this program?" he asked.

"As we were going through the systems after the incident with the EMH I came across this and got curious when I saw that you were the creator." Janeway turned her head and gave Tom a content smile. "I think this is charming," she continued. "Have you let anyone else in on this yet?"

"I wasn't going to until it was finished, but B'Elanna discovered it by chance a while ago. I was trying out details when she wandered in," he said with a smile.

"I'm so pleased to see that you've made friends here, Tom. I must admit that I was a bit worried at first, considering that there was some resentment among both the Starfleet and the Maquis crew."

Tom chuckled. "You should have heard the yelling I got from B'Elanna in the mess hall once it was clear we were stuck out here. Harry looked like he was going to sink through the chair he was sitting on." He shook his head while smiling. "No, things have changed," he mused and gazed out over the bayou.

Janeway glanced at him and smiled. "So they have."


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Elogium_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. Tom is coming close to guessing something B'Elanna doesn't want to admit.

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><p>"Good work commander. In the future, if I have any questions about mating behaviour, I'll know where to go," Janeway said with a smirk. Chakotay turned and looked at her with a grin on his face which she returned. Paris looked over his shoulder at the two and smirked. The captain may hold the view that she couldn't have a relationship on Voyager, but she couldn't resist sly comments directed at her commander. Give it some time, Tom thought to himself, and she'll start rethinking her decision.<p>

He glanced over at B'Elanna who was watching the interaction between the captain and her XO. She met his eyes and then she quickly looked down at her console and concentrated on tapping in commands, which to Tom's knowledge wasn't needed. The trademark B'Elanna isn't going to give anything away mask was firmly in place. Interesting, he thought. B'Elanna is bothered by the captain's comment. There could be several reasons for this. She could be bothered by the familiarity between her Maquis captain and the Starfleet representative, but that didn't quite feel like B'Elanna. She never really held any grudges against the people working for Starfleet. It was Starfleet as such she was critical about. Besides, she and the captain seemed to be on good terms. No, it had to be something else. The other option he could come up with was that that brother/sister relationship perhaps was changing, that the sisterly love wasn't all that sisterly after all. At that thought he turned to look at B'Elanna. By now it was known that Seska had been involved with Chakotay. With Seska out of the way B'Elanna might let feelings for a certain commander surface. B'Elanna looked up just as that thought crossed his mind and they stared at each other for a moment before her eyes darted away and then settled on the captain.

"Captain, if there's nothing more I'd like to return to engineering," she said with a tense voice, refusing to glance back at Tom.

"Of course B'Elanna," the captain responded calmly and gave the young woman a smile. B'Elanna scrambled to her feet and fled to the turbolift and disappeared.

Tom gazed at the conn. and tried to gather his thoughts. B'Elanna had something she didn't want to disclose to people, that much was obvious, and considering her reaction before leaving she wasn't going to let him corner her about it either. If it was about Chakotay he really didn't want to know either. If he knew Chakotay it might come to nothing even if B'Elanna mustered up courage to tell him about her feelings. On the other hand, she might not even do that. He knew she had an ongoing struggle with herself and her emotions and for the most part she kept the lid firmly in place.

He sighed lightly and concentrated on his task, pushing his musings aside. In the corner of his eye he noticed ensign Wildman weighing back and forth on her feet and glancing in the direction of the captain's ready room. Suddenly it was like she came to a decision and firmly turned away from the science station and started walking towards the ready room, only to hesitate slightly before pressing the door signal. The door opened and she went inside. Wonder what that was all about, he mused. Well, it was a small ship. Things usually came out sooner or later.

=/\= =/\= =/\=

"Hey, Paris!" Harry called out as Tom went past the tactical station on his way to the turbolift. He stopped next to the turbolift and turned towards Harry and gave him a forced smile. Harry grinned cheerfully back at the older man.

"Mess hall?" he asked and pressed the turbolift button. Tom visibly hesitated and Harry continued, "Come on Tom. Who could refuse Neelix' coffee on a day such as this?" The turbolift doors opened and the two men stepped inside. "Deck two," Harry ordered.

"I could refuse Neelix' coffee on any day actually," Tom replied and avoided Harry's searching eyes. Harry crossed his arms over his chest and straightened his back.

"So, will you tell me what all that was about with B'Elanna?" he asked. Tom glared at Harry but he didn't seem intimidated by it.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Tom said firmly.

"Really? You know, I have the best seat on the bridge when it comes to watching interaction between people. You have the worst by the way. I saw you. And then B'Elanna darted out of the room as fast as her senior officer dignity would let her," Harry pressed on. The turbolift doors opened and they went out in to the corridor and walked towards the mess hall.

"Honestly Harry, I don't know what that was about," Tom said betraying a sliver of frustration. Harry glanced at Tom.

"Huh," was his reply. The two men entered the mess hall and went over to the coffee station and poured a cup each and found themselves a seat near the viewports. Tom drew his hand through his hair.

"I don't know, Harry. Some days she's her usual cheerful self…" Tom started saying but was cut off by Harry.

"Cheerful self?" he asked as his eyebrows shot up.

"Yeah, well you know what I mean. She's talkative and… congenial, for a lack of a better word." Tom paused and sipped the coffee and made a face. "Strong brew this," he said and put down the cup. "Other times when I catch her she's like a spitting cobra. It has been coming on gradually. She has made it pretty clear that she isn't interested in discussing it and I'm not pushing this."

"Why? If anyone can it's you," Harry said and rubbed the brim of the mug while glancing towards the doors which opened.

Tom looked down at the beverage in his cup. "Not this time. I'm not your man for the job," Tom said with a smirk and lifted the cup to have another sip. Harry looked back at Tom.

"Any theories?" he asked and leaned forward on his elbows. Tom raised his eyes and met Harry's with an inscrutable look on his face.

"Possibly. I'm not so sure I should gossip though," he calmly said and leaned the cup slightly to the side and looked down at the content in it. Harry sighed but didn't push it. It was one thing with harmless gossip but if it was something more serious, he didn't want to pry. It was a small ship and people knew far too much about each other as it was.

"I'm a bit surprised about the captain and commander Chakotay," he said instead.

Tom chuckled. "Don't you worry. It'll take some serious persistence from Chakotay for the captain to even consider it. She's married to Voyager. At least for some years to come."

"Really? And you know this because?" Harry asked.

"Because we had a chat a while ago," Tom replied and took a sip of the coffee.

"You had a chat. About the captains love life?" Harry sounded quite surprised and he tilted his head while talking. "What is it with you Paris and the ladies?"

Tom glared over the brim of the cup and put it down a little too hard. "We were talking about responsibilities and leadership, not her love life per se. She made it clear however that she didn't want to cloud her judgement with such emotional ties."

"I wonder why she commented that way then," Harry mused.

"She can still joke you know," Tom pointed out.

The doors to the mess hall opened and let Chakotay and B'Elanna through. As they went over to the kitchen service hatch to pick up the today's special Tom looked up and he followed them with a steady gaze. Harry looked in that direction too and nodded at Chakotay as he turned around to search for a seat. Chakotay smiled and set his course towards the table where Harry and Tom were sitting. When B'Elanna turned around she hesitated slightly before following Chakotay. When Harry turned back to Tom he was downing his coffee. He smiled at Chakotay as he arrived at the table and rose.

"I'm late for my sickbay shift so I'd better go," he explained and nodded quickly at the others. Harry opened his mouth to say something but was silenced by a telling look from Tom before he headed for the mess hall doors. B'Elanna looked after him while she put her tray on the table and sat down. Part of her was pleased that he kept his distance but a small part was torn. It was in moments like this she wished she was either Klingon or human. It would have been a lot easier, at least she imagined it would have been. She threw one last look at Tom who disappeared out through the doors. Just as well, she decided. He's a pig, she reminded herself and with that she turned her attention to Chakotay and Harry.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Non Sequitur_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. B'Elanna's imagination runs off and makes a whole hen house out of a feather.

* * *

><p>"Everything that has to do with time travel and parallel realities gives me a headache," Tom said as Harry was finished with the story about what had happened to him earlier. He dug in to the food on the plate in front of him.<p>

"Tell me about it. Everyone kept telling me that I was out of my mind. It was very frustrating," Harry responded. He sighed and continued, "It was a difficult thing to tell Libby why it was all wrong. I still wonder if I did the right thing." He looked down at his meal and started eating too.

Tom tilted his head and swallowed. "I can understand that." His eyes wandered and he stared out in to the air. "Had it been me I'd known exactly what I had wanted." He chuckled slightly and returned to the food on his plate. "I'd probably have some difficulties pulling off the same stunt." He kept his eyes on the food on his plate as his smile faded.

Harry looked up at him and the corners of his mouth curved upwards slightly. "Don't be so sure. I have a feeling I'd come around the same way as you did."

Tom looked up at Harry with raised eyebrows. "You saw me. If you'd never met me before, would you have listened?"

"You weren't particularly interested in helping me out when I went to Marseille either. But you changed your mind." He started to grin. "Besides, it's an irrelevant discussion. It was me who ended up there, and you got me back. If you hadn't shoved me on to that transporter pad and beamed me out I would have been blown up with the ship and this reality wouldn't have existed any more."

"See, that's the creepy thing. We weren't aware of that. We kept working on getting you out of there and everything kept functioning the way it should. If we hadn't been able to fix it, would Voyager just… have changed? I disappeared?" Tom frowned.

"I can't answer that question. Possibly. There could be several parallel realities so it's possible you just would have lost me, thinking I died when the hull buckled. The reality I was in where Danny ended up here on Voyager might still exist. I might just have… died. To them. Or it ceased to exist when the time continuum was corrected. I hope it's the latter, because I wouldn't want to hurt Libby that way," he said ruefully.

"In a way you have. Most probably think we went under in the Badlands," Tom pointed out.

"I know. Someone who is blown up won't come back though. We might still find a way back home after all." Harry's shoulder slumped slightly and he returned to the food in front of him.

"Hey Starfleet! You don't look too cheerful," B'Elanna said as she placed her tray on the table and sunk down on a chair next to Harry. Harry glanced briefly at her.

"Hey, B'Elanna," he greeted her.

Tom leaned his elbows on the table as he leisurely dangled the fork in his hand and tilted his head slightly. "It's Libby," he said. B'Elanna turned and met his eyes while he continued. "Long story short; Harry here was thrown back home to San Francisco where he met Libby among other things, came to the conclusion it was wrong and managed to find a way back. With a little assistance of yours truly."

B'Elanna leaned forward. "What? You were on the bridge the whole time. How can you have helped Harry?"

"It was some sort of other or parallel reality. In that reality I had apparently ended up in a brawl with a Ferengi on Deep Space Nine and was thrown in to the brig and missed Voyager's departure. Once I was released from the penal colony, I made Sandrine's my full time hangout until Harry showed up and asked me to help him go back to this reality. As it was, I flew Harry in to the time stream and blew up along with the ship as Harry came back to our reality." His voice was crisp and clear.

B'Elanna gave him a long look as if she didn't quite believe what she just heard. "You… blew up?" she asked.

"Apparently. I took my chances that the reality I was in was going to cease to exist if Harry got back here. Either way I'd no longer be a drunk and a loser," he deadpanned and concentrated on his food, ignoring B'Elanna's searching look.

Harry smiled and turned his head and looked at B'Elanna. "I couldn't have come back without him." He turned back and looked at Tom. "Are you that street smart in this reality as well?" he asked.

Tom looked slightly embarrassed and snorted while poking at the dinner with the fork. "I have a few useful tricks up my sleeve," he said with a grin.

"Like breaking in to people's quarters," Harry grinned.

"What!" B'Elanna blurted and looked at Tom.

"He somehow got through the door to my quarters a while ago when I was asleep. Apparently he can't wake people up as any other mortal being but he has to sneak up on you," Harry chuckled.

B'Elanna still looked at Tom when she answered Harry. "Well, that's not so hard. Getting through a door, I mean." She turned to look at Harry. "A bit of hacking would take you in to most crew quarters, if you know what you're doing. I don't think I'd be able to pick Tuvok's lock, and possibly not the captain's either, but the rest? Shouldn't be too difficult."

Harry threw out his hands and leaned back on the chair. "I'm surrounded by burglars!" he said and laughed. Both Tom and B'Elanna threw him a raised eyebrow but neither could resist smiling.

Harry pushed his tray away from him. "Today I'm having real coffee. Want some?" he asked Tom.

"Nah. I'm saving up," he replied and shook his head.

"Have you exceeded your limit again?" Harry said with a smile.

"Nope. I'm just saving my rations," he said and put down his fork and turned to look at Neelix' coffee station.

"Any special occasion?" B'Elanna asked with obvious curiosity. Harry rose and went over to the replicator.

Tom turned his head back to look at B'Elanna and hesitated slightly before answering. "Yeah, it's for a birthday," he said and looked back at the coffee station.

"Really? Who?" B'Elanna pressed on.

Tom glanced back at her. "It's for Kes. She turns two in about a week."

"Really," she said and there was a sliver of cold in her voice. "I didn't know you kept track of people's birthdays."

"Well, I don't. She mentioned it the other day, that's all. I decided to save some rations so I could get her a present," he said and rose and headed over to Neelix' kitchen.

"I'm sure Neelix will love that," B'Elanna muttered to herself. He's a pig, she thought to herself. Kes? Of all the women on Voyager, Kes? She was one of the few with a relationship. B'Elanna snorted and glared at Tom over at the kitchen. Kes, the little innocent childlike woman, how could he? Messing up her life would just be unforgivable. B'Elanna's blood was boiling and she decided to get out of the mess hall before she broke his nose. She stood abruptly and walked out of the room, not looking in any other direction but straight in front of her. Harry watched her get up and leave with surprise as he was returning to the table. He sat down and took a sip of his coffee while waiting for Tom to return.

"What was that all about?" he asked as Tom came back to the table and sat down. He turned his head and looked at the now closed mess hall doors before turning his attention back to the coffee in front of him.

"It seems she got one of those spitting cobra moments again," he replied and raised his mug to drink. Harry gazed at his friend who was trying to make the impression of someone who is completely oblivious. He didn't buy that for a second but he knew there was no point in prying. Tom accused B'Elanna of being a spitting cobra but his mood wasn't the best when pressed on what was going on, though he usually just pulled down the curtain instead.

Tom ignored his friend's unspoken questions and concentrated on the drink in his hand. He had known B'Elanna would interpret his wish to give Kes a birthday present as something it wasn't. Yes, he was charmed by her, but all he wanted to do was make her happy, getting her a little present. He was not going to apologise for that, period. No more mulling over that, he decided and looked up at Harry.

"Sandrine's?" he asked.

"Thought you'd never ask!" Harry said with a wide smile and downed his coffee. The two men rose from the table and started to make their way out of the mess hall.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Twisted_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. I have the experience of leadership and know how much you see from that position. It's really a spectator sport, people's personal relationships, and as a boss you have first row tickets. Let's have a look through Janeway's eyes, shall we?

* * *

><p>"I would say it's time to go," captain Janeway said with a smile and rose from her seat. "Chakotay, Paris?" she asked and looked at them.<p>

"Yes ma'am!" Tom said crisply and rose from the conn and nodded at his replacement. He turned around and met Chakotay's even look and smiled politely. They played pool and worked together, but Chakotay had not forgotten about Tom's stint with the Maquis, and he often let Tom know he still hadn't forgiven him. Subtly, but still. Tom didn't try too hard to change his mind. He had long since come to the conclusion that Chakotay needed time. He trusted Tom's flying, but not much else. C´est la vie, Tom thought. You can't be friends with everyone. He took the route by Harry and picked up a small parcel and mouthed a see you later before joining the captain and the commander heading in to the turbolift.

As she stepped inside Janeway glanced at the parcel in Tom's hand. It was rather small and flat and she guessed that it probably was some sort of jewellery.

"Deck six," she ordered as they were all inside. Looking straight ahead she wondered if she should say anything to Tom, but she decided she shouldn't get involved. These are grown ups she reminded herself. Well, maybe not Kes so much, but the others were. She did not want to pry in his personal life, or anyone else's for that matter. It was tempting though. Neelix would not take kindly to a lavish gift from Tom. She glanced at Tom who stood next to her straight and with that jovial look he sometimes had which didn't reveal anything. Janeway smiled slightly at the sight. He was Admiral Paris' son alright. Every now and then she saw little things which reminded her of her former captain, and this was one of those moments. She almost sighed. Maybe it had been unwise to have Kes talking to Tom on a regular basis as she had been these past months, Janeway mused. Kes was a charming girl and obviously it wasn't just Neelix who saw this. Well, what's done is done and it had been good for Tom. They all needed to figure the rest out somehow.

The turbolift stopped and the doors opened. On reflex Tom turned to his captain and offered her to go first with a slight smile. Janeway couldn't help but act like a lady and smile back slightly bowing her head striding out of the turbolift. In the corner of her eye she saw Chakotay roll his eyes which only made her smile wider. Oh Chakotay, she thought to herself, you're so transparent sometimes.

As they came through the doors to Sandrine's they were met by B'Elanna. Parcels were stacked on the pool table to the dismay of Gaunt Gary who circled around the table with his cue, and Neelix was bustling around at the bar with the Doctor.

"Everything is here. We just need to stow it away and ask her to come," B'Elanna reported with a smile to the group entering the bistro.

Tom stepped past Janeway. "Where do you want them?" he asked and nodded at the parcels and walked over to the table.

"Just behind the pool table easy to grab will do fine," she said and couldn't help glancing at Tom's hand. She pressed her lips together and her eyes narrowed before she turned to walk over to the table to start stowing away the parcels. Tom followed suit all smiling while trying to strike up a conversation. B'Elanna only gave him sideways glances and responded with nods and humming, keeping a distance. Tom ignored it, or didn't he see it? Janeway couldn't be sure. When B'Elanna stepped back after putting away some parcels and Tom hunched down to do the same, B'Elanna's face revealed some of the upheaval inside as she looked down at his back.

For the second time in just minutes Janeway reminded herself that she had no business with people's private life. It's inevitable, she thought as she watched the scene play out in front of her. We've been here for quite a while and this, being on the way with Voyager with years ahead of them, had become routine, as much as this could ever be routine, and with that relationships with other people would start to take up everyone's minds more and more. Looking at the two lieutenants she suppressed a sigh before glancing at her XO who had joined the Doctor at the bar. He stood leaning on the countertop watching the interaction around the pool table as he talked with the Doctor. Chakotay, she thought, even you my dear friend. Even you. She walked slowly over to the table and picked up a bag of streamers, opened the seal and picked them out and started to hand them out to people.

"There, we're done," B'Elanna said and looked over at the bar. "You ready?" she asked.

"Yes, we're finished," the Doctor said as he donned a beret.

"Well then, Neelix? Will you ask Kes to come?" Janeway asked and turned towards Neelix and smiled. The little man rubbed his hands together and with a big grin he tapped his combadge.

"Neelix to Kes," he said eagerly.

"*Kes here,*" she responded.

"Kes dear, would you like to come over to holodeck two, to Sandrine's? The pool table isn't occupied so I figured we could use it. We have some time before I need to start on the dinner with the captain," he continued.

"*Sure Neelix. I'll be right there!*" she said and the smile in her voice made the people standing in the bistro smile too.

"See you then! Neelix out." Neelix turned and looked at the crowd with a grin. "She's coming," he announced.

"Well then! Lets hide!" Janeway said with a wide smile and started to walk away from the doors.

"Turn off the lights!" B'Elanna ordered as everyone withdrew to the inner parts of the bistro, hiding behind the pool table, the bar and where ever they could. Janeway took a firm grip on Tom's arm and ushered him towards the back of the pool table giving B'Elanna the chance to choose another hiding place together with Chakotay. Tom looked surprised but didn't protest. She shoved the streamers she had left in his hands.

"I leave you in charge of throwing these streamers when we turn on the lights," she said and kept her grip on his arm, sugaring it with her best smile. Tom nodded obediently and let himself be led to the hiding place where they ducked down. She glanced at him in the darkness and wondered how observant he really was. He was good at keeping a straight face, if that was what he was doing. Well, she thought, let's take one step at the time. Kes deserves a nice birthday party and I'll see to it, she decided.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Parturition_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. While Kes and Neelix' candle light dinner goes astray, Harry and B'Elanna have a talk in the mess hall.

* * *

><p>"So, what's your suggestion?" B'Elanna asked and leaned over the table top to take a look at what Harry had been working on. He pushed the padd over to her.<p>

"Ever since the incident when the Doctor was affected by that radiation field I have been having this in the back of my mind. We really should put up holo-projectors in critical areas so we can transfer the Doctor if an emergency occurs. I was thinking places like the bridge, engineering and the mess hall for instance. I've been working on it for a while," he said and leaned back on his chair.

B'Elanna scanned the content and looked up. "Looks like it could work. We'd have to test it thoroughly though. Especially in engineering I think we could run in to problems keeping the matrix stable. The bridge should be reasonably simple, but it can fool you." She smiled and tilted her head slightly. "I thought you were going to take some time off this evening down on holodeck one?"

Harry sighed. "Yeah, so did I. But no, Paris is his very own Greek tragedy right now, so he wanted to live that to its fullest with some depressing music while feeling sorry for himself," he said sourly and crossed his arms and leaned on them.

B'Elanna raised her eyebrows and gave him a disbelieving look. "What is going on with him?" Her face fell and she continued, "Kes?"

"Apparently," he huffed. "No really, this is ridiculous. He's infatuated alright, but he's such a masochist. He knows she'll not consider him since she's devoted to Neelix. I've wondered if he does this to himself because she's not actually available."

"What's the logic in that?" she asked and fingered the padd and avoided to look at Harry.

"I'm not a psychologist." He shrugged and threw a look at a passing crewman. "That talk about seizing the opportunities before anyone else does is just something he says. Like with the Delaney sisters. They're really nice and Tom showed his best behaviour, but I could tell that he really wasn't interested."

"But still he does it," B'Elanna said.

"He still does it. This little heartache of his will probably go away in a couple of weeks and he'll be back eyeing the female single part of the crew again. Or at least a certain part of it," Harry added.

B'Elanna snorted. "Yeah, he wouldn't get far with any of the Maquis so he'd have to stick to the Starfleet crew."

Harry threw her a glance and quirked the corners of his mouth slightly. "Sometimes I almost think he's doing this because he can't muster up the courage to deal with something substantial."

"And that would be?" she asked and started scrolling the content on the padd, feigning lack of interest. She remembered the raktajino by her hand and picked it up and started drinking.

Harry smiled and kept looking steadily at B'Elanna. "Come on B'Elanna. I'm his friend, not a mind reader. I have a few ideas thought."

Putting down the beverage she turned her eyes from the padd, lifted her chin slightly and met his eyes. "You're not making any sense here Starfleet. Paris is living a self inflicted Greek tragedy because he can't deal with something substantial. What?"

"Have you thought about the fact that this is pretty new to him? That this, being all respected and important, being part of this crew, is something he didn't expect when he walked aboard Voyager? He was doing it to look better when his parole was up for discussion and he was due back on New Zealand once Voyager returned from the Badlands. Being back at the helm on a Starfleet vessel was unthinkable. You've said it yourself, he was a pataQ," he said pointedly. B'Elanna looked down at the table and coloured slightly. "It was a long time since he succeeded in anything, but he is now. One step at the time, I guess. You can't have it all in one go."

B'Elanna sighed and looked up at Harry. "I keep forgetting about that. There are days now when I don't think about what's going on at home. I do my job, which I enjoy, and then I read a book or socialise, have dinner with people or go to the holodeck… and then I sleep. The bad dreams which would wake me up on occasion are rare these days."

"Bad dreams?" Harry asked and frowned.

She tilted her head and looked down and caressed the cup. "I was in a warzone, Starfleet. We had some pretty scary moments." She peered up at Harry. "Actually, Paris was flying when a couple of them happened. I'm pretty sure he was a bit shaken too. I don't know if he has dreams about them though." She lifted the cup to drink.

"Nothing he has mentioned," Harry said with a serious face and made a mental note to talk to Tom about it later.

B'Elanna put the cup down. "You become a tight knit group when you face death together. In critical situations you're completely dependant on the others, and everyone knows it. You're under pressure, when death is but a small error or malfunction away… You fight together, save each other, show your fears and share the euphoria when you avoid being blown up again. Afterwards it's tough though. Once the adrenaline leaves you and you pull the blanket over yourself to try and sleep it comes back to you. Sometimes it's so bad that you have flashes of past events when you hear certain sounds." She went silent and looked down at her hands.

"Have you talked to the Doctor about this?" he asked worriedly and leaned a bit forward.

"No. I haven't had any flashes since we left the Val Jean and I can handle the dreams," B'Elanna smiled faintly. "I'm doing pretty well. That's what I'm saying, I'm doing so well I forget we have been out here less than a year." She was quiet for a moment. "I forget what Paris' life was before this happened." She picked up the cup. "But he was always flirting. He hasn't changed when it comes to that," she continued drily and took another sip.

"Well, that's the thing, he's not flirting." Harry leaned back again and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Really. That necklace was definitely more than just a friendly birthday present, if you ask me. Two weeks worth of his rations?" B'Elanna snorted. "Not even you can deny that it was a bit over the top."

He gave her a nod. "Yeah, that was a bit… too much. On the other hand, he's not material. If he likes someone he can be pretty generous. What I'm saying is that he's not sweet talking anyone." She put down the cup and shrugged as answer. "By the way, you've been hanging around a lot with Yosa, Henley and Chakotay lately. I've hardly been able to catch you," Harry said, changing subject.

"We have a tournament going at Sandrine's. You know the endless kind, where the winner gets to decide what we eat for dinner afterwards," she smiled and picked up the raktajino again. "We have a lot to talk about. Mariah needs a bit of encouragement from time to time. So does Chakotay. Yosa and I tend to be the listeners and cheer them on."

"Chakotay?" Harry echoed in surprise.

"He's no super hero, you know. He had to abandon the Val Jean, our cause, discovered he had been fooled by several people he trusted and he had to establish authority as XO. He gets tired sometimes. Chakotay is strong but no man is an island. He has never been the kind who tries to carry everything himself. There's his spirit guide of course, but he has always turned to friends." She smiled affectionately and downed the raktajino.

"He always seems so calm and in control I never thought he had doubts." He paused for a moment before he continued. "That shows how little I know."

"He's a private man," B'Elanna said and lifted the padd. "Mind if I borrow this for a while?" she asked.

"Go ahead. I figured we could bring it up with the captain during next briefing so I'd appreciate if you had a look at it," Harry replied.

B'Elanna stopped mid-motion and leaned forward. "Harry, why don't you come with me to Sandrine's? We're having a game this evening with dinner. We could discuss this with Chakotay. With Chakotay in on this we could start working immediately."

"I don't know…," he started.

"Come on, Starfleet!" B'Elanna said trying to encourage Harry.

"It's just that. I'm so very much Starfleet," he replied.

She stared at him. "You honestly think they wouldn't want to shoot some pool and have dinner with you because you're Starfleet? Harry, it's Chakotay. And you know Yosa and Henley too. Of course they don't mind me bringing you along!" She rose from the chair she had been sitting on. "Come Starfleet, let's go!" He smiled and rose to his feet as well and followed her as she turned and headed for the exit. B'Elanna stopped as she had put the cup in the recycler and let him catch up. "Voyager may be a big brand new ship compared to the Val Jean, but we have scary moments on this ship too. We have them together. It means something."

Harry grinned. "It's good to know," he said. She grinned back and they went out through the doors.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Persistence of vision_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. This time it has messed with me big time. I lost my computer pal after 8½ years; the motherboard quit right after I posted the last instalment. For now my posting will be pretty random until I have a new computer.

Tom faces his "father" and it has some lasting effects.

* * *

><p>"Why do you have so little faith in me?" Tom spat. "I have tried so hard to live up to your standards, but you were never pleased. There were always something I could have done better. This isn't about that one accident! This has followed me throughout my life! Why?" He stared at his father taking in every detail of the man in front of him. He looked just like the day when Tom had left Earth after the last row with his father. Strange, Tom thought. Surely the years should show on this man as well? His father interrupted his thoughts.<p>

"I never demanded anything from you that I didn't demand from any of the cadets or officers I taught during my years in Starfleet. You however, always had difficulties dealing with even the minor things in life. You seemed to be looking for failure." The old man had contempt in his voice and his face was cut in stone.

Tom stared at him. He just wanted to scream at him that he was wrong, that he had been stretching himself to the limit many times to get some approval, but it never came. It never went beyond a nod or a distant 'good'. He was sure of it. Suddenly a flash of a smiling Owen Paris praising him for his flying crossed his mind. Tom closed his eyes and concentrated on that vision and he heard his father say, "You have a real talent for flying, son. I must say that I wasn't surprised when I heard that the award was going to you this year. Actually, I was expecting it. You have done well, Tom." In surprise he opened his eyes.

"What have you done with your life so far out here? You haven't learned anything from that debacle with the Maquis. As soon as you came out of prison you went straight back." Admiral Paris started pacing slowly in front of Tom.

"I did not!" he responded heatedly. The admiral stopped in his tracks and turned to look at Tom with raised eyebrows.

"So you mean to say that you haven't made any friends among the Maquis crew? Even conspired with some of them in case you found a quick way home?" He asked with a soft voice. Suddenly B'Elanna stepped up next to admiral Paris.

"I thought we were friends Tom. Now you're denying it? I should have known that a pig can't change," she said with frost in her voice.

"No, B'Elanna, that's not what I said! I meant that I was brought on Voyager by captain Janeway! I didn't... " His voice faltered.

"You're trying to distance yourself," B'Elanna said. "I'm not good enough because I'm a Maquis," she continued and a steely edge crept in to her voice.

"She's right, you know. She is not only a Maquis, but a half Klingon too. If nothing else her temper will always get the best of her. She didn't even get through the Academy!" Tom's father said pointedly.

"You don't know her!" Tom hissed and clenched his teeth.

"I don't need to. I know she's unfit as company for you!" the old man said.

"I decide who I'm friends with and B'Elanna is not 'unfit'. She's a really good friend and if anything she's incredibly loyal!" Tom almost shouted at his father.

"Yes, I know you decide on who you befriend. Traitors and thugs, that's what you tend to befriend," the admiral retorted coldly.

"They're not traitors or thugs! You know the political situation and the reason why they decided to fight as well as anyone, dad. I can't believe you call them that!" Tom turned towards B'Elanna. "I'm not trying to distance myself from you or anyone on Voyager." He looked intently at her.

"Don't try so hard, son. You'll fail her too," the admiral said and turned to B'Elanna. "Don't waste your time on him. He is, as you pointed out, a pig."

Tom dropped his jaw. "I'm getting awfully tired to get that shoved down my throat all the time, and hearing it from you... " he went silent trying to find the right words.

"It's the truth, isn't it?" admiral Paris asked.

"No! I... There was a time when I didn't particularly care about anything, myself included, but I didn't set out to hurt people. I never intended to hurt people." Tom looked down. "It's hard to be alone in the world. Lonely. But I never promised anything, ever. It wouldn't have been fair." He looked up at B'Elanna. "I never pretended to be anything I wasn't."

"You didn't have to. Anyone with eyes can see what a failure you are," his father said.

Tom tore his eyes from B'Elanna and stared at the admiral. There's something strange here, he thought. His father was circling back the whole time to his poor decisions and how he was a failure. Again he closed his eyes and tried to turn his back on the man and woman in front of him.

"Turning away from me doesn't change the fact that you always screw up," Tom heard his father say. He put his hands over his ears to shut the sound of his voice out. This isn't real, it flew through his mind. His father had always been demanding, but never cruel. B'Elanna wouldn't have stood there calmly listening when the old man started abusing the Maquis. She was especially touchy when it came to her Klingon side so that should have brought out her hostility if nothing else. Tom tried to concentrate on memories he had from his childhood. As water that had broken free from a dam, memories flooded his mind; positive memories of a pleased father, occasional smiles, a hand on his shoulder and encouraging words rushed through his mind. For so long he had only remembered his father's strictness and his demands but there had been moments when things had been good. In his confusion he removed his hands from his ears and opened his eyes. In front of him his father stood unmoving. Tom looked around for B'Elanna but she was gone.

"What are you?" he asked as he looked at the man in front of him. Had his father, or what ever it was, walked around him? He was sure he had turned his back towards the admiral, but when he opened his eyes the man was again standing in front of him.

"I am your father," the man in front of him said.

"No, you're not," Tom said calmly. "What ever you are, you're not my father."

The admiral let out a laughter before answering. "Resisting won't help you, son. You don't have the capability to do anything. You are going to live with me to the end. On the bright side, it won't last much longer." The admiral smiled a chilling smile.

Tom turned to leave the bridge. "It's no use trying, Tom. I'm in control of this reality so I'm the one deciding where you're going and who you are meeting," he heard behind him. He stopped and turned slowly towards the man he had believed to be his father.

"I know your thoughts, all of them. I know what you're thinking as I speak. I know you hope that Tuvok and Kes will save you but they won't. I know you fear for your friends. Don't. I know for a fact that B'Elanna isn't complaining. Neither is Harry. They'd be happy to stay where they are for a very long time."

"What have you done to them?" Tom asked.

"The same thing I did to you, confronting them with what's in their mind. Deeply hidden. Things they don't want to talk about which have a strong appeal."

Suddenly the vision of the admiral stiffened and he looked pale. "That little... " he started saying. Tom suddenly felt the world around him fading.

He blinked a couple of times and tried to focus his vision. Tom was unsure how long he had been sitting where he was and how long the vision had lasted. Turning his head he realised he was still at at the helm on the bridge and that the admiral was gone. He quickly checked his station and found the other ships gone. There were no ships in the vicinity at all as if they had vanished. No trails could be found. He turned and looked over at Harry who looked confused at his station.

"Are everyone okay?" Tom asked out aloud towards the other crew members on the bridge. One after the other they responded and started focusing on the ship. He tapped on his combadge. "Paris to Janeway, we're all okay on the bridge," he said.

"_*Janeway here. What's our status?*_"

"No further damage as far as I can see and we're all alone. No ships and nothing suggesting there are any cloaked ships either," he replied and his puzzlement leaked in to his voice.

"_*I'm not surprised. As soon as the major repairs are finished I'd like to see all the senior officers in the briefing room. Janeway out.*_" The connection was unceremoniously cut. He threw a glance at Tuvok who nodded at him. Naturally Tuvok had heard the conversation with that excellent Vulcan hearing of his. Tom turned back to the conn after throwing a glance in Harry's direction as well, confirming that he had heard the conversation too. As he checked settings and ordered diagnostics his mind was partially busy with the strange experience he had just gone through. He paused for a moment and a shimmer of light passed over his features. The result of this encounter was certainly interesting and he realised that he suddenly remembered all the good moments he'd had with his father. If they ever got back home, perhaps there was a possibility for a change. A little plant of hope had rooted itself in his heart.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Tattoo_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. This is my attempt to explain the conflict B'Elanna had to have at this time. I understand it and I have seen it, experienced it when I was way younger than today and I really tried to crawl under the skin of her to shed light on what's going on inside that half human half Klingon brain of hers.

* * *

><p>B'Elanna stepped through the door to her quarters and walked slowly up to the viewport and looked at the streaming stars. The journey continued as always. She sighed and leaned her temple against the viewport frame. They had so many problems she couldn't solve the way she would have liked due to lack of resources and it was incredibly frustrating. Too many times when they did find what they needed they couldn't get to it. She understood and agreed that they just couldn't rob what they needed, but still, it was immensely frustrating knowing it was there, but out of reach.<p>

Her thoughts drifted to Chakotay. She didn't want to think about him, but she couldn't block him out of her mind. Naturally she had been one of the few who learned about what he had experienced with the sky spirits. The sky spirits? B'Elanna snorted silently and closed her eyes. She had tried, Kahless she had tried, to embrace Chakotay's spirituality and find the peace he had, but she just didn't get it. When Chakotay had talked about his meeting with the people on the last planet that nearly had cost them their lives, she had politely listened and said the right things but inside she was still unmoved, just as she always was. Even when they encountered that energy field and she had sought support in that difficult moment when faced with possible death, it was Chakotay she had sought, not a spirit guide.

She opened her eyes and watched space rushing by. The feelings she had for Chakotay was complicated. Until recently he had only been the big brother she never had and as long as he had been only that, his spirituality had been a curiosity, something she found intriguing. She had listened and tried to follow him, but she could ignore it if she wanted to. Then she realised that he actually was a man. She giggled at the thought because it was so silly. Of course he was a man! Yet she had blissfully ignored it as long as Seska had been around. With Seska gone for good she had allowed herself to admit that he indisputably was a human male and not her brother. She had even fantasised about him. She just didn't know if this was curiosity or if it was the real deal. One really shouldn't have to ask oneself if it's real, she thought. And then there was this spirituality. She was afraid Chakotay would discover she really didn't understand, and if he came that close, he would. Fear in a relationship was all wrong. 'Who is talking about relationships?' she irritatedly asked herself. There was none. Aside from friendship of course.

B'Elanna turned abruptly from the viewport. "Computer, lights, full intensity," she ordered and the lights was turned on, almost cutting her eyes with its brightness. She went to the bathroom, undressed and stepped inside the sonic shower. It was never as pleasurable as a real shower, but it was at least warm. Though Voyager had a decent temperature she was happy she was an engineer and therefore able to stay in the warmer engineering. Being half Klingon she was more sensitive to cold and she enjoyed warmth. She smiled when she remembered the bayou program Paris had created. The thought of Tom Paris opened her closed eyes and she turned to lean on the wall with her arms. Now Tonm was another person she didn't want to think about. At least it was much more simple with Tom. There were no sisterly feelings involved with that flyboy. Lately she had been pretty testy with him and she could see that it affected him, but he just cut her even more slack. To be honest she really didn't want him to get angry with her, not at all, and she hadn't been trying his patience because she enjoyed it.

She slammed her fists in the wall. Damn complicated life! She had her engines and that was really all she wanted. Or wished she wanted. As usual her human and Klingon sides were at war with each other. Her Klingon side was intrigued but her human side was definitely not. The combination of her human fears and issues with the Klingon demand for strength had the effect she was always conflicted and always holding back. Strong emotions other than anger scared her. Quite frankly, her sudden interest in Chakotay and her fantasies scared her because she didn't know what to do and how to handle it. Or handle herself. With Paris she could always be angry, but with Chakotay there were no pressure valves.

The cycle finished and she stepped out of the shower and picked up her pyjama and put it on. On her way to the bed she picked up a padd she decided to deal with before sleeping. Perhaps some calculations would drive those men out of her head allowing her to sleep. She climbed in to bed, ordered the ceiling lights to be turned off and the bedside lamp to be turned on and started working.

The door signalled and B'Elanna's head jerked up and she stared at the door. "Come in," she blurted and immediately regretted inviting the person on the other side of the door. The doors opened and revealed the slender shape of Kes.

"Oh, I didn't mean to disturb you," Kes said hovering at the door.

B'Elanna shook her head and put down the padd in her hand on the night stand. "I was working on some issues. Nothing I can't go back to later," she replied. "Computer, lights on, half intensity," she ordered and the lights came on.

Kes walked hesitantly in to the room and sat down on the couch armrest facing B'Elanna's bed. "I was wondering if you could teach me some basic warp theory," she said.

B'Elanna tilted her head in slight surprise. "Sure. Why do you want to learn about warp theory?" she asked.

"Oh, I have been thinking about it for a while, ever since the incident with the telepathic being. If I actually understood what's happening in engineering it would be easier to handle situations like that." She smiled widely. "Getting flying lessons from Tom has taught me some, but I feel I need to understand it better."

"Good reason," B'Elanna nodded in agreement. Silence settled between them and she wondered what Kes wanted more than schedule lessons. "Is there something wrong?" she asked in an attempt to break the ice.

Kes looked up at B'Elanna and was pushed in to action. "I don't want to seem intrusive but... I know you have been through some difficult things. I just wanted you to know that if you feel you need to talk, I'll listen."

B'Elanna straightened her back slightly. "What makes you assume that?" she blurted and frowned.

Kes glanced down. "You were a Maquis which means you have seen battle, and you have lost friends. That is enough for me to conclude you have been through difficulties." She paused and looked up and gazed steadily at B'Elanna. "I also know that something has happened earlier in your life, something you are still struggling with. I don't know what it is but I can sense it."

B'Elanna stared at the mere girl in front of her. "Can you read minds?" she asked.

Kes blushed slightly. "I'm working with Tuvok, learning how to deal with my telepathic abilities. I really can't read minds, but I can sense emotions and... other things."

"Other things. Such as?" B'Elanna asked, more curious than annoyed.

"I can sense the occasional memory if it's strong enough. Often it's the painful memories I'm sensing because they are strong enough for me to sense," she replied.

"Which is why you have sensed mine," B'Elanna concluded. Kes nodded. B'Elanna sighed. "I appreciate your offer but I'm not really up for digging in my past right now. I've got enough on my plate as it is.

Kes nodded and tilted her head slightly. "I understand your reluctance and it's entirely up to you if you wish to talk about it. I can sense something else though. You are confused. Something has recently surfaced that you don't know how to handle." She met B'Elannas eyes with a steady gaze but didn't say anything more.

B'Elanna stared back at her for several moments while her thoughts got more and more entangled with each other. "Would you like something to drink?" she asked and got on her feet.

"Some tea would be nice," Kes responded and watched B'Elanna walk over to the replicator.

"Sugar?" she asked Kes who shook her head. "Computer, one raktajino, sweat, and one earl grey," she ordered. The drinks materialised and she picked them up and walked over to the couch and offered the tea to Kes before sitting down on it.

"This is going to take a while," she said and took a sip of her raktajino. She took a deep breath and started talking.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Cold fire_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. This "will we get home this time or not" rabbit is pulled out of the hat yet again and it needs to be discussed.

* * *

><p>B'Elanna picked up the cup in front of her. "That Tanis guy? There's something about him."<p>

"Oh? I haven't met the guy. I hear he's some Ocampa!" Tom said.

She gave him a long dark look. "I don't get why Kes is so taken with him. Sure, he's Ocampa and she haven't seen any Ocampa for almost a year, but he's... " She didn't finish the sentence, instead she took a sip from the steaming cup.

"Creepy?" Tom offered.

"He's pleasant enough, polite and shows great interest in Kes, but I don't like him." She looked at the cup in her hands and tilted it slowly from side to side. "I'm starting to wonder if Kes is rubbing off on me. I don't sense things the way she does, but this guy, I can sense there's something lurking underneath that polished surface." She looked up.

"Just because you don't have the same abilities as she has, that doesn't mean you can't sense when something isn't adding up. We're all more than just the words we say, and that definitely goes for the Ocampa. If you think the guy is creepy, he probably is creepy." Tom smiled at the half-Klingon in front of him and she reluctantly returned the smile.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," she said and had some more of the hot beverage in the cup she was holding.

He grinned at her and in his eyes there was a gleam of mischievousness as he kept eye contact with her. She put down the cup with a thud.

"Paris, you stop that immediately!" she said sharply.

"What?" he asked and feigned innocence by throwing out his arms and raising his eyebrows.

"You're a pig, flyboy, but I never suspected you of having a creepy agenda." she said with emphasis. Tom laughed at her and leaned forward over the table.

"But you are sceptical B'Elanna."

"Better sceptical than gullible," she grumbled and glowered at him.

"I never said it was an altogether bad thing to be sceptical," he replied and leaned back in his chair. "Besides, you weren't all that wrong about me. I didn't care about many things other than drowning my sorrows. And flying," he said with a streak of contempt in his voice.

B'Elanna tilted her head and the corners of her mouth curved slightly. "It wasn't that bad. When you forgot that you didn't care about anything, you were okay," she said. Tom looked at her with surprise but before he was able to say anything she continued, "Now don't get too excited. I haven't forgotten about those 98% of pure Paris pig behaviour." He threw his head back and laughed aloud while B'Elanna glanced around at the surrounding tables with some unease. Trying to look like she was unaffected by his mirth she picked up the cup and drank some of the content.

"So, how are things going with Kes?" she asked lightly once he had calmed down again. The question chased away every sign of mirth in Tom. He was quiet for a moment.

"How are things with the commander?" he retorted calmly.

She winced and looked up at him. "I'm sure he's fine," she said and tried to hide her thoughts by drinking some more, avoiding his eyes.

"And I'm sure Kes is fine too. Quite busy hanging with Tanis, I've heard." His voice didn't reveal any annoyance which made B'Elanna look up at him. To her relief he didn't seem angry but she wanted to kick herself for what she said.

"With that out of the way I suggest we talk about something else," he continued still holding her gaze. For some reason that made her blush slightly and she looked down at her cup.

Tom sighed inwardly. The cobra was never far away and as irritated he could get when B'Elanna pulled it out, he knew she did it when she needed a shield of some sort. He watched her pick up the cup and drink and he was surprised to see that she was blushing. He couldn't keep the corners of his mouth from curving slightly but he decided he wasn't going to rub her nose in her embarrassment.

"So this could be it," he said lightly.

B'Elanna looked up at him with a blank face.

"We could be going home," he reminded her.

"Oh, right. Yeah, we could," she said without enthusiasm and her eyes drifted away.

Tom leaned forward on his underarms. "If we're not sent home this time I'm beginning to think we're not finding a shortcut in a very long time, if ever."

She looked back at him, sighed and leaned her cheek in her hand. "I'd like to think we're going home, even if it's going to be complicated, but..." she put both her elbows on the table and leaned her chin on her knuckles. "I can't help thinking this caretaker chase is a dead end."

Tom nodded and looked down at the table. "I've gotten used to this, flying Voyager, being part of this crew, and I'm not in a hurry to go home." He looked up and smiled slightly. "I don't have a cause to get back to."

B'Elanna smiled warmly. "You could, if you wished. I'm pretty sure Chakotay would have you."

He chuckled. "He'd be a fool not to." The smile faltered. "It's getting harder and harder to imagine such a life again. I don't think I'd be accepted by Starfleet, but flying with the Maquis again?" He paused. "I'd probably prefer it to New Zealand, but it's not the life I want. There's no future in that. It suited me when my best friend was the bottle, but it's not that attractive now."

B'Elanna looked down at the table to prevent her eyes from betraying her thoughts. "There's always the trade circuit," she said with a neutral voice still not looking up. When Tom's response didn't come she looked up and found him gazing at her, obviously deep in thought.

"Piloting cargo ships are as interesting as watching paint dry," he said.

"You could get your own ship," she suggested. "You'd not have to fly yourself if you did." A wide smile lit up her face. "You could be your very own captain."

Tom chuckled. "Imagine that. Captain Paris." He shook his head. "I'd drown in paper work," he protested.

"I think you'd be able to handle that. It'd probably be trickier handling a crew and getting the people you'd need," she retorted.

"Looking for a job? I'd probably need a gifted engineer." Tom smiled at her.

"Have you forgotten I have a war to fight?" she playfully asked.

"That won't last forever. You need something to do once it's over, unless I can persuade you that joining me is a better deal than being killed by a Cardassian Galor class warship," he joked.

B'Elanna fought to keep herself from smiling but eventually she gave in. "I'd... consider it." She sat up and shook her head. "We're not home yet though."

"No, we're not. Besides, I don't have a stash of money I have no other use for, so getting my own flying tin can would be difficult."

B'Elanna bit back her response. Though he was estranged from his father she was pretty sure he could solve such an enterprise financially if he wanted to. She did not want to spoil the moment by bringing it up though. Instead she emptied the cup while Tom stifled a yawn.

"I think I'll head to my place. I'd need to be rested to make the right decisions in case we're suddenly hurled back to the Alpha quadrant," he said and rose from his chair. B'Elanna rose too.

"I'll turn in too. It's been a long day," she answered. They left the mess hall heading for the turbolift together in silence and the lift journey was equally quiet. At deck four the lift stopped and opened its doors letting Tom out. He stopped just outside the lift and turned to look at B'Elanna.

"That freighter idea perhaps isn't such a bad idea. But I'd still need an engineer. Think about it," he said and grinned.

The doors closed and the turbolift started moving again. B'Elanna smiled.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Manoeuvres_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me.

* * *

><p>The sun was baking on the two senior officer's backs as they sat on the steamboat deck. Behind them was a pile of jackets, shirts, shoes and socks which they had removed to feel more comfortable in the humid warmth. The air was filled with sounds from the mostly unseen inhabitants of the bayou surrounding the boat.<p>

"You've done a great job, Tom," B'Elanna said. "With the sound it's so real. I love it." She turned her head to look at the program creator beside her. "I also love the fact that there are no stingy biting creepy crawlers. That would have taken realism a bit too far."

Tom chuckled. "I considered it." He paused for a moment before glancing at her. "Just kidding. I don't like them either," he smiled.

B'Elanna was quiet for a moment watching the surrounding greenery. "I don't think we'll have much time hanging around here for a while though. Seska is not going to just disappear magically now when she has turned up again. I heard she had left Chakotay a message," she said and threw Tom a quick look before returning to nature gazing.

"You should have seen her. Scary movie light in some sort of green shade and those Cardassian ridges. She certainly have a flair for the dramatic," he replied. "The whole bridge went silent when she said that she had extracted his DNA and impregnated herself." He sighed. "His decision to not take that message in his office was perhaps not the best one. I know it's difficult to keep things a secret on a ship this small, but the rumour mill can create a pretty tense situation. I mean, he doesn't seem like the kind of guy who leaves a kid behind so where does this mean to the rest of the crew? Will we lose him, will Seska make a return, how will the captain handle this, does the commander need backing? All sorts of questions stirring the pot."

B'Elanna moved her feet slowly in the water. "I don't understand it. Why would she do it? Does she actually think she can persuade him to... forgive her? Come with her? I don't see the captain welcoming her aboard, and I know the Maquis definitely won't." She looked at the conn officer squatting by her side.

"I'm not sure about what it is that she wants but I have a sneaky suspicion she isn't imagining herself being the First Maje Culluh's woman for very long though." He looked back at her. "I think she's as desperate to go back to the Alpha quadrant as the captain is. This pregnancy has to be part of a plan to get her home."

She broke eye contact and looked back at the bayou. It was so peaceful and felt so far away from the world they were actually living in. "I think she's still in love with Chakotay. I think she genuinely fell in love with him when she infiltrated us," she mused.

"That would explain a lot," Tom said. "Poor man. I can imagine how hard it must have hit him."

B'Elanna nodded. "Well, she'll be back. Question is when," she said with a flat voice.

"Soon, very soon. Since she's manipulating the Kazon I think we'll see a lot more of them than we have recently." He paused and shuffled closer to the side of the boat and dipped his feet in the water just as B'Elanna. The cool water surrounded his feet and he let out a sigh. "I wonder what the captain is thinking about all of this. It's ultimately going to be her decision, how to deal with this. I assume Chakotay won't jump ship just like that again," he continued and turned to look at B'Elanna.

"She put him on report," she replied and looked down at the water flowing over her feet.

Tom nodded. "Nothing else she can do I guess. The Maquis would be pretty upset if she threw him in the brig, and quite frankly, we need him where he is."

"I went to see the captain after Chakotay had left. I understood why he did what he did and I felt I had to say something, explain how he works. He's such a private person. Even now, after almost a year out here, she just don't know him. We've not been through enough, and we're not Maquis either." She kept her eyes on the scenery in front of them.

"It strikes me as not the most thought through plan to go after Seska alone like he did," he muttered.

B'Elanna turned her head and looked at Tom. "Oh?"

"Because he did that, he managed to deepen the problem we have out here. I know it wasn't his intention, but it is the result." He sighed again.

She nodded but said nothing, just turned to look down in the water at her feet again. What was there to say? Nothing. Chakotay was to become a father and even though it was because a woman who had turned out to be the enemy had impregnated herself without his consent, it was his child. Where this would lead them, and in particular Chakotay, she did dare guessing What she did know was that he would need her support. Support from friends who wouldn't complicate his life.

Tom glanced briefly in B'Elanna's direction, curious of what was going through her mind. She had been really troubled by the commander's little excursion, and he was not at all surprised to learn she had seen the captain to speak on behalf of Chakotay. Seska's latest move was a shock to them all, but he suspected it had been even more troubling to those close to Chakotay. Even though the Maquis had accepted being on Voyager he had a hunch that to some Janeway was mostly the captain on paper. Chakotay was their real captain. This had the potential to become a nightmare for their captain as it could be expected that the Maquis would side with Chakotay if Janeway didn't handle this with delicate situation well. For a fleeting moment he wished he could talk to Janeway about this. He was struck by the realisation how lonely it had to be to captain Voyager, how difficult it must be in a situation like this when in effect the only one she could turn to, that she had turned to before, was Tuvok. Tuvok's logic was excellent, but Tom didn't think he quite grasped the complex situation rearing its head.

B'Elanna looked at him and found him gazing at the shoreline across the water. "A darsek for your your thoughts," she said.

Tom started and and turned to look at her with eyes wide of surprise. "A darsek?" he echoed.

"What are you thinking about?" she clarified.

"Oh I got what you meant, I was just surprised that you changed the currency," he smiled.

"I figured a penny would be a bit dated," B'Elanna joked. Tom nodded but didn't seem to want to disclose his thoughts. "So what are you thinking about?" she pushed on.

He gave her a quick glance before looking down. "I was just thinking about how difficult this situation is for the captain. She has to handle this the right way or she could end up with people questioning her. It'd be difficult in any situation, but back home support is usually not more than a subspace call away. Here she has... Tuvok."

She nodded. It hadn't occurred to her that captain Janeway could be in need of support or someone to discuss tricky situations with, but she realised Tom was right. "You could talk to her," she suggested calmly.

Tom looked at her with unease. "I don't think I can," was all he replied. It was clear he was not warming to the idea.

"She listens to you, I know she does." Quickly B'Elanna debated with herself if she should disclose what Harry had told her, that he was sure Janeway had a soft spot for the conn officer for several reasons, one being that he was his father's son. "Tom, don't take this the wrong way, but I'm pretty sure she is inclined to listen to you, more than to most, because she had your father as captain."

His eyes darted away when his father was mentioned. "My father is my father. I'm just Tom Paris, the Paris failure who got a second chance."

"It's not that simple. She has a soft spot for you, even I can see that and Harry has said he is certain she is aware of it even though she's not mentioning it to you. He has a better viewpoint than you and he is observant, you know," she replied. "Besides, you are number three on the bridge. That has to carry some weight. If I can talk to her about Chakotay, I'm sure you can talk to her too."

Tom sighed and looked down in to the water. "I'll think about it," he eventually replied.

"Don't think about it too long," she warned.

"I know. Seska won't wait," he said and looked at her again. "I feel like bathing," he continued turning the subject abruptly.

B'Elanna looked at him with horror. "Bathing?" she croaked.

"Yeah, you know, jump in the water, splash around some," he explained.

"Oh I know what bathing is, but I don't have any swimsuit," she retorted.

"We have a replicator on this deck we could use," Tom suggested and almost started to laugh at B'Elanna's look of desperation.

"Ah Paris, I have some engineering issues I should take a look at and I'm really tired..." she started saying. Tom started laughing.

"B'Elanna, if you don't want to take a bath, it's perfectly fine," he said when he finally could talk again. She gave him a dark look but didn't respond. "And you're right, it's late. You get fooled by this sunlight," he said and turned to squint at the sun. "Come, I'll walk you," he said and started to pick up his clothes.

"You don't have to walk me. There are no lions or thugs around here, you know," she said reluctantly smiling.

"But there are Kazons," he replied. "Just to the turbolift. We're taking the same lift after all." He got on his feet and helped her up. As they started walking he turned and looked down at her. "We could plan a dip. What do you say, an evening camp fire, some beer and marshmallows?"

"In the dark?" she said trying to make her voice sound even.

"It's the whole point of a camp fire," he replied and amusement seeped in to his voice.

"Maybe," she replied coolly.

"How about Wednesday?" he asked.

"I said I'll think about it," she replied.

"And I'm simply suggesting suitable days," Tom said.

"Thursday is a better day. I'm running scheduled diagnostics on Wednesday and they always seem to yield results I have to deal with at once. That shift will probably end late."

"Thursday it is. I'll talk to Neelix to see if he has some fruit we could have and I'll ask Harry to replicate marshmallows. He's got more rations than I have," Tom decided.

B'Elanna looked up at him and hesitated. "You are going to invite Harry too, aren't you?" she asked.

Tom laughed. "Of course I am." He met her eyes. "Figure out a couple of people you would like to see there and talk to them, okay?"

She nodded and they both left the holodeck.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Resistance_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. For once I was tempted to bring in something not quite canon, from Jeri Taylor's Mosaic, in this story but I managed dodge actually writing it in. With this missing scene I'm bringing in something not very often touched upon in Star Trek, the aftermath of traumatic experiences. Also, torture, though actually quite common for a story about a better future, isn't really discussed. Naturally it has consequences, no matter what kind of torture you have been through.

This is a long one, the longest so far and I should perhaps have made it in to a two parter, but I decided to keep it as it was.

* * *

><p>A relay blew up right next to her and she instinctively ducked as she was showered with sparks. The floor rocked underneath her again and rather felt than knew that the warp drive must have come off line. She started stumbling towards the control station to try and find out what had taken down the warp drive when she heard Chakotay on the comm link.<p>

"_*B'Elanna, we need that warp drive on-line!*_"

She came up to the station and her heart sank. They was no escape. She hit the comm link button as hard as she could in her frustration.

"I'm sorry but there's no way we can go to warp for a very long time! One of the warp coils is damaged!" she shouted over the blaring alarm. She turned and shouted out in to the engine room, "Will someone turn that damn thing off!"

The alarm suddenly stopped and it was almost silent for a moment. Suddenly the floor rocked violently and she lost her grip on the station, banged her head in it and fell to her knees. Her eyesight was blurred for a moment. "Damn you asshole Cardassians!" she growled and started to get up on her feet again. Another hit threw her to the floor. Involuntarily she cried out as she hit something hard with her side. She could see fire from somewhere within the engine room and she tried to order it to be put out, but her voice had been turned to a rasping whisper which couldn't be heard over the noises. "Get up!" she rasped to herself as she again tried to get on her feet. A burning pain in her side made her gasp but she pushed on. As she stood her head swam and she reached out to grab something, anything, but her hand didn't find what it was looking for. The fire in front of her turned in to an orange wall. We're all going to die here, was her last thought.

With a jerk she woke up, her heart pounding violently and bathing in sweat. She could still hear the noises and smell the smoke from the fire and she quickly sat up in her bed. Her eyes darted around in the dark room and she recognised all the familiar objects in it as belonging in her quarters. With a sob of relief she threw her legs over the side and stumbled out of her bed and went over to the viewport. The stars were silently streaming past. She placed her hands on the cool transparent alloy and leaned her forehead on it. Her heart was slowing down but she felt even more distraught than when she had still been in the dream. To her dismay she couldn't control herself and started sobbing, and she stood there for long minutes wildly sobbing until she could control herself again.

Wiping her face with her hands she turned from the viewport heading for the bathroom. She drank some water and splashed it over her face. The cold water was calming and she started thinking more clearly. She had to do something, meet someone, just anything, to clear her head from the dream. With determination she went back to her room and hastily put on her comfortable velour pants and a sweatshirt and strode out of the room heading for holodeck 2 and Sandrine's.

As she stood in the turbolift heading up to deck six, she realised it was in the middle of the so called night and those who wasn't working probably slept by now. When the lift opened its door to let her out she hesitated. There were probably no one at Sandrine's at this hour.

"Computer, locate... " she started saying. She had been meaning to say commander Chakotay, but she couldn't bring herself to it. "Locate Lieutenant Paris," she ordered instead.

"Lieutenant Paris is in his quarters," the computer replied evenly as always. Was he asleep, she wondered. "Computer, what time is it?" she asked. She had completely lost track of time after falling asleep earlier that evening.

"Current ship's time is 23.48." Not that late, she concluded. "Computer, deck four," she ordered and the doors closed.

Tom glanced at the chronometer next to his bed on the night stand. Soon midnight, he concluded. He really should sleep, he thought. With a sigh he went back to the text on the padd in front of him. One more chapter would be okay, he decided. The sudden sound of the door buzz made him jump and he looked startled at the door. It was late and people usually didn't make social calls at this time of the day. There were a handful of people he could think of who might visit at this late hour for some reason, but he couldn't think of a reason for any of them to do it. Bad news from home didn't travel to the Delta quadrant, so he ruled out those kind of unpleasantries. He climbed out of bed and grabbed his bathrobe hanging on a hook next to the bed and started getting in to it. If by any small chance the captain was outside that door he definitely felt he wanted to be a bit more dressed.

"Come in!" he called out as he chased the belt on his left side and momentarily he looked away from the door to try and find the obstructing piece of fabric.

The sight which greeted B'Elanna as the door opened made her chuckle. Tom was slowly spinning around, chasing the bathrobe belt which managed to be as elusive as only a bathrobe belt can be when you want to get hold of it quickly. He finally got hold of it and looked up.

"I hope I didn't wake you up," she said hurriedly and tried to not look too amused.

"No, I was just reading," Tom replied and tied the belt firmly. "Computer, lights, half intensity. Come in," he continued and B'Elanna padded in through the door hesitatingly. He motioned at the couch. "Please, sit down. Do you want something? I assume it's a bit too late for raktajino, but some tea perhaps?" He started walking over to the replicator.

"Tea would be good," she replied.

"Darjeeling, would that be okay? Sugar?" he asked as he reached the replicator and half turned towards her. She just nodded. "One Darjeeling tea, hot, with sugar and one Paris Bavarian beer, cold," he ordered the computer.

"Paris Bavarian beer?" B'Elanna echoed.

"I can never remember the name of this beer so I changed the replicator command," he explained as he picked up the beverages and headed over to the couch.

"I thought you were mostly a wine person," she said as she received her tea.

"Well, I like wine, but it's not like I can't drink other things. And I happen to like this one. It's more suitable for late evening visits too. Low alcohol content." He sat down and made sure he was comfortable before having a sip from the bottle in his hand. B'Elanna kept her eyes on the tea as she stirred the content with the spoon.

"I'm sorry I barged in like this but... I had had to just talk to someone," she said and looked up.

Tom tilted his head slightly. "It's no problem. Is there anything wrong?" he said with concern taking everything in about her. Perhaps she looked a bit dark around the eyes, he decided.

Her eyes darted away from him and she swallowed visibly before continuing. "Have you... experienced any problems, like dreams or flashbacks since we ended up here?" she asked with uncertainty.

He was quiet for a moment. "Well, it's not something regular and it's not as much as it used to be, but I have dreams. Mostly I'm going down with a shuttle," he replied hesitatingly.

"Tom, what happened at Caldik Prime?" she suddenly asked.

"I'm sure you've heard about it from people aboard," he said stiffly and looked down the beer in his hand.

"If you mean the fact that you crashed with a shuttle and three people died, yes, I know that much. But I don't know what really happened." B'Elanna tried to cool down her tea by blowing carefully on its surface. As she looked down she missed the storm of emotions washing over Tom's face.

"I made an error. I was too confident, not being careful enough. Piloting was what I did best and it never occurred to me that it wasn't just about flying a ship or a shuttle, it was so much more. You have to stay on top of things, check your readings, foresee everything, even the things you can't predict, and if something happens anyway you have to count on that it's going to be more difficult than you expected. You have to be prepared. Being technically brilliant isn't everything. I was, I am, technically the best one I know of, but back then I underestimated that cold-hearted creation that is the universe and made an error." He paused and looked up and met B'Elanna's eyes full of sympathy. "We were friends." He swallowed. "One died just there, right in front of me after the crash and I couldn't do anything about it." His voice had become ashen.

B'Elanna put down her cup and leaned forward putting her hand on his arm. "I'm sorry, Tom," she said. "I know it's not much, but... " her voice trailed off.

He looked down at her hand and nodded. "Thank you," he said simply and looked up again at her. She pulled back her hand and picked up her cup and tried to drink some of the hot tea. "Something has happened, hasn't it?" he continued.

"Not exactly. I mean, nothing new has happened." She paused for a moment. "I never expected to be affected by the war when I joined the Maquis. Well, a little perhaps. It was close a couple of times." She smiled joylessly and met his eyes. "But you already know that." Tom nodded in response. "I was jumpy right after the first attack on us, but I played it down. I mean, who wouldn't get a bit jumpy after having someone trying to blow you in to pieces?" She took another sip on her tea. "As long as it was happening, the attack I mean, and I was trying to keep the engine running and systems up, it was okay. It's always okay. I can deal with it. It's what happens afterwards... " Her voice trailed off. "I started having nightmares. The warp drive comes off line while we're under attack." B'Elanna looked up. "I realise can't fix it. The ship is under attack and I can't get us out of there. I usually wake up there. It got better once we had been here a while, but tonight it came back." She went silent and had some more tea.

"It looked like Tuvok had been pretty beaten up," Tom said.

B'Elanna looked miserable. "He screamed, Tom. Horrible horrible cries. I never thought Vulcans could scream like that. It seemed like hours that I had to listen to him," she said with a trembling voice. He nodded slowly and B'Elanna continued. "I felt so helpless. I couldn't even help him. Had it been Chakotay, you, Harry even the captain, I could at least have offered some comfort, but... I know he wouldn't have liked it."

"No, you're right about that," Tom took a mouthful of his beer and mused for a moment. "And tonight you had that dream again," he continued softly.

"It makes me feel so guilty. I went through this whole ordeal unaffected, I shouldn't have this surfacing now."

"Did you ever think about the fact that it wasn't just Tuvok who was tortured? Torture isn't just being beaten up. They let you listen to Tuvok, something they didn't have to. You were cut off from the world around you, you didn't know if we could even get to you and you had to listen to a shipmate being abused. They did it because they hoped they could break you both. If it hadn't worked, they probably would have taken it to another level, probably involving sleep deprivation, disrupting sleep cycles, trying to disorient you to thinking we had left you behind, probably adding drugs to that scheme. It was all part of a plan. If you can't break anyone with pain and guilt, you can break them down by other means, it just takes longer." Tom paused and had another mouthful of the beer. "It's understandable old ghosts were woken up," he concluded.

"How do you know so much about torture?" B'Elanna asked.

"I hear things," he said trying to avoid going in to detail.

"From where?" she pressed on.

Tom threw her a sharp look. "I was born in to Starfleet. A lot of talk goes on during those social functions held by the brass. Small groups in the shade outside the bustle going silent when someone passes by, lowered voices, that sort of thing. You hear a lot if you just make yourself small and insignificant, blending in with the shadows." He was quiet for a moment. "I think something happened to my father at one point, but he was a lot more careful, not assuming us kids weren't listening. I never asked."

They were both silent for a while, drinking their tea and beer, none of them particularly keen on breaking the silence. Eventually B'Elanna put down her now empty cup and turned to Tom. "Will it ever get better?" she asked.

He looked up and met her eyes. "I hope so." He placed the empty bottle on the table. "I do know thought that keeping it bottled up isn't helping. Things kind of get out of hand if you try to ignore them. I'm not in favour of councelors, and we have no one here on Voyager, but talking about it with people you feel comfortable with should make it easier to deal with."

"I have been thinking about it." She smiled faintly. "I ended up here, didn't I?" Tom smiled back.

"Yes you did," he said softly.

"A while ago I talked to Kes about something else and she offered to listen because she sensed I had some things hidden. She's a lovely girl, but she doesn't know anything about these things. I just don't know how I can talk to her about this." B'Elanna shook her head.

"She can be surprisingly sharp, see the real issues, pointing them out to you. The other good thing is that she will listen and not judge. That is worth a lot." He leaned forward and picked up her left hand, pressing it lightly. "You are always welcome to talk to me too if you want to. I want you to know that."

A slight smile crept over B'Elanna's face. "Thank you." She quickly pulled back her hand and rose from the couch. "I'd better try to get some more sleep," she said, hesitating slightly. Tom nodded.

"Yeah, me too," he replied.

"Goodnight." She turned and walked to the door and opened it, half turned to look back at Tom, smiled briefly and left.

He looked at the closed door. It surprised him that she had overcome her privacy to discuss something as difficult as this with him. He wondered why she hadn't turned to Chakotay, but perhaps it had to do with recent events. Either way, he didn't object. The turbulence of late seemed to have dissipated and for that he was grateful. He got up and went in to the bathroom to brush his teeth. It was time to sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Prototype_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. We've arrived at _the_ swashbuckling moment this season. Unbeknownst to the two antagonists Chakotay and Paris, they handed Janeway a convenient, open and known conflict she could capitalise on to find the crewman working with Seska later on.

* * *

><p>"Harry, you need food," Tom said with determination. The younger man looked up and sighed.<p>

"It's funny how I'm usually the one having to tell B'Elanna to think of herself, that she needs food and sleep, and now you're doing the same to me," Harry replied and pushed himself away from the station.

"That's what friends are for," Tom said, crossed his arms and smiled.

Harry glanced around the bridge and spotted the commander at his post, eyeing some data. He pressed his lips together, nodded at Tom and started walking towards the turbolift with him in tow.

"Why don't you and and commander Chakotay arrange some swashbuckling to really get what ever it is out of your systems?" Harry asked as the turbolift started moving.

"I don't have anything in my system," Tom replied with a hint of irritation in his voice. He straightened and pushed his chin slightly forward. Harry almost smiled at the sight. Paris was clearly offended by Chakotay's gibe earlier that day and did nothing to hide it.

"But you must admit that it's not the wisest thing to barge in like it was a charge of the light brigade," Harry said. The doors opened and the two men stepped out of the lift.

"I wasn't going to do anything stupid like that. Do I look like a Cardigan to you?" he asked slightly offended and turned his head towards Harry to glare at him as they were walking down the corridor to the mess hall.

"No, you don't look like a cardigan. It's softer to begin with, cut around the neck like this... " Harry started demonstrating on his friend who stopped and put his hands on his hips.

"Not the knitted kind of a cardigan. _Lord_ Cardigan," he said but couldn't keep himself from grinning. Harry grinned back.

As they went through the doors to the mess hall Harry came back to the fencing between the commander and Paris. "So what's the problem then? With commander Chakotay, I mean."

"The biggest problem is our brief, but joint history, when he offered me to fly that tin can Val Jean. I can think of a couple of other things too, but my stint on his barge is probably _the_ thing to blame for his attitude." Tom stopped in front of the service station

"Good evening gentlemen!" Neelix greeted them from the other side of the counter. "This evening's special is a returning favourite! The delicious feragoit goulash!" He reached for a plate to start serving the two officers in front of him.

"Thank you Neelix," Tom said politely, reached out to receive the first plate, put it on a tray and reached for the carafe to fill a glass with water.

"No chance of seeing that hair pasta soon?" Harry asked jovially, glancing in Tom's direction.

"Oh, I didn't know you liked it so much! Well of course! I can whip some up for lunch tomorrow," Neelix offered enthusiastically.

"Thank you, Neelix. It's very kind of you," Harry said and held out a glass for Tom to fill up, ignoring the glare coming from him.

"No problem! Just tell me if there's anything else you like, and I'll put it on the menu right away." Neelix grinned and turned to another crewman who had come up to the kitchen.

"So tell me," Harry continued, "What did you do to piss Chakotay off?" They found a table and sat down. Tom picked up his spoon but decided to answer the question before he started to eat.

"I needed money to keep going. I took any job I could get as long as they paid. Chakotay desperately needed a pilot but he kind of went with the assumption that he'd convert me in to a Maquis once I saw just how noble they were. It's just that regardless of the intentions any kind of guerilla movement may have, they also have to be crass more often than not or they won't live. I knew that and I told him so. I didn't try to act better than I was, in comparison to others he had picked up who really tried to suck up to him, and it bothered him. And he _likes_ modesty. I'm not terribly modest about flying for instance." Tom started eating.

Harry swallowed and lowered his spoon. "But that was ages ago. You play pool together at Sandrine's and you have many times proven you are a good officer."

"He only plays pool with me to beat me," Tom said between bites. He wasn't kidding there when he told B'Elanna he wasn't friends with me, just wanted to beat me, down at Sandrine's."

"Chakotay doesn't strike me as very vengeful." Harry looked sceptical.

"He's not. He just remembers things and he doesn't forgive easily." Tom put down his spoon. "Okay, so I shouldn't have expressed myself the way I did. I just wanted to make sure people knew I could do it, that I could fly in and get B'Elanna out. The negatives was flying around endlessly between Tuvok and the captain. I didn't really decline any help, but Chakotay interpreted it that way." He sighed. "Do I look like I have a Major in theoretical philosophy?" he asked. "Phrase nit picking," he continued grumbling. He picked up the spoon and continued eating.

Harry was amused but tried to hide it. It was a problem that those two were fencing sometimes, bordering on the rude, but it was still amusing to hear Tom grumbling.

"I can think of other reasons why he's particularly stingy at the moment," Tom said.

"Oh?" Harry raised his eyebrows. Tom suddenly looked uncomfortable and Harry's eyebrows went down as quickly as they had gone up. "B'Elanna."

Tom kept his eyes on the food. "It's not just B'Elanna. He's got Seska somewhere out there plotting her next move pregnant with his child, and B'Elanna in a dangerous situation, which yours truly could actually do something about." He looked up. "I am the better pilot. He will never be considered to swoop in and save the day, rescuing B'Elanna. Not unless I break a bone and the Doctors regenerator malfunctions." He paused for a moment glaring at the food in front of him. "I'd probably still pilot that shuttle better than he could even with a broken leg."

"Paris, this is childish. You're better than this," Harry said. "It may be that you're the better pilot, I don't doubt it, but this isn't a pissing match about who will get to be the knight in shiny armour. B'Elanna is in considerable danger and she needs us to work together. You know, you're starting to sound awfully territorial here."

Tom looked up and tried to find the right thing to say. All sorts of emotions washed over him, much to Harry's inner amusement. Gotcha, he said to himself.

"You get all sorts of funny ideas these days," Tom said sourly. Harry grinned back at his friend.

"Seriously, once you've showed us just what a bad-ass pilot you are, why don't you put an end to all of this and ask her out for a date, Paris?" he suggested. "It will definitely put an end to any future middle school drama."

Tom started to look increasingly uneasy. "I'm not going to do anything of the sort," he replied.

"Why not?" Harry blurted in surprise.

Tom's shoulders slumped slightly and he put down his spoon. "Harry, I can't go in on specifics, but it's out of the question."

"You've had those Torres-Paris top meetings again," Harry concluded and picked up his glass to drink some.

"I'm not going to comment on that," Tom said and continued eating.

"I don't mind. It's a lot better with you talking again than that cold war stint you guys had there for a while," Harry stated and put down his glass. Tom ignored him which made Harry grin. If he wasn't as good friends with Tom as he was he'd be tempted to give the rumour mill something else to chew on for a while. As it was, he was just going to sit back and watch. After all, he had the best seat on this ship.


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Alliances_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. Voyager is on it's way to meet First Maje Culluh and Seska and Harry has to talk to someone about what he thinks about the situation. This is one difficult episode, especially if you're married to a historian with military strategy as speciality. I borrowed from a conversation we had about these events, to create this little missing scene.

* * *

><p>"I think this is wrong," Harry said with poorly disguised annoyance as the beverages materialised in front of him. He grabbed the beer and handed it to his right side without looking at the person he was handing it to, then he picked up the coffee he had ordered for himself.<p>

"I know you think this is wrong," Tom replied calmly. "I don't think you have objected this strongly to a decision the captain has made before."

"She made it pretty clear she isn't open for discussions about it either." Harry walked over to his couch and sat down. "This is all commander Chakotay's fault. It has Maquis fingerprints all over it," he sputtered.

Tom raised his eyebrows as he sat down and turned his head to look at his clearly very annoyed friend. "He has backing from Tuvok. It has some merit or Tuvok would't side with Chakotay," he reminded Harry.

He clenched his jaw for a moment. "Tom, this is about strategy and Tuvok has other ideas about what tactics we should use. It's not just about logic because there are several options here, not just a alliance with those sponge haired thugs. And you!" Harry turned and glared at Tom. "You sided with B'Elanna on talking to Seska! I tell you, it's not the kind of step we should take. She has a plan with all this twirling she has orchestrated and we're playing right in to her hands by talking to her!"

"What should we do then, Mr. Strategic Know It All? I'm aware that she must have an agenda. The Kazon attacks lately oozes Cardassian strategy, I can see that too. She is trying to weaken us, showing how inferior we are. Harry, hold your friends close, but your enemies closer," Tom said and drank from his bottle.

"You do that when you think you have a chance to fool them, lull them in to safety. You negotiate from a strong position, not because you are pushed in to a corner. It limits your possibility to negotiate and in what way you can handle the situation tactically. The thing is, the captain isn't going to give the Kazon what they want anyway, and I doubt she is willing to give Seska what ever she wants either, so why this charade? I say it had been smarter to show our determination and strike at strategic points one after the other. They are threatening us but we're not beaten. Our present weakness is that Seska is on the other side full of our codes and specs. Without her, the Kazon isn't a serious threat. That's the first thing that has to change."

"What? Are you suggesting we'll turn in to assassins? I'm sure Captain Janeway will warm up to that idea," Tom said ironically and shook his head.

"Of course not. It's much easier to change things on our end. Block her out as much as possible. It's entirely possible to reprogram much of our systems. It's like re-encrypting messages. The code is cracked, lets implement a new one. That's a whole lot more important than limping around as we're doing now begging for mercy." Harry said ruefully and sipped his coffee.

Tom leaned forward leaning his elbows on his knees, dangling the bottle in his hand. "Are you sure you shouldn't talk to the captain? She should agree to the reprogramming at least. Possibly she would consider the rest you have to say if you put together a plan, at least as a back up plan in case all this explodes in our faces," Tom suggested and turned his head to look at Harry. He looked back at Tom with a hopeless mien.

"My plan is based on strategic warfare, not exactly something the captain is keen on. Warfare, I mean. She's always the peace advocate. She can consider Chakotay's idea because it's based on the assumption that it would stop the violence. My idea of what heading we should take involves some violence after all," he said.

Tom tilted his head. "Yeah, if she can take the peace route, she will," he agreed and leaned back on the couch and drank some of his beer. Military strategy wasn't his forte. He had studied the basics of course, but it was just that, the basics. It had never been a subject of great interest to him. 20th century technology and culture had caught his attention, and his programming interest had come out of that and his wish to recreate the past. He squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose. In this situation it was of little use.

The door signalled and Harry sighed. "I think I know exactly who that is," he muttered. "Come in," he called out and the door opened to reveal B'Elanna.

"So this where you are hiding," she said as she walked in to the room. She stopped in front of them and crossed her arms. "I had to ask the computer to locate you guys," she continued.

"Damn technology. What happened to personal integrity and privacy around here?" Harry complained.

"So this has turned in to a boys club now?" she asked with an annoyed voice, tilting her head.

"No, it hasn't. Don't mind Harry. He's a bit upset, that's all," Tom said trying to nip the quarrel in the bud.

"I noticed," she replied drily, turned and walked over to the replicator. "Raktajino, sweet," she ordered and carried it back to the couch, put it on the table and sat down placing Tom between herself and Harry.

"So let's hear it Starfleet," she said looking at Harry. "You want to keep doing things the way we are."

"No, that's clearly not working, is it?" Harry said.

"So what would you suggest then?" she asked and lifted her cup to drink.

"First of all, change the codes, the way we rotate frequencies, looking over the frequencies over all, program new encryptions, change our evasive patterns, everything we can think of. Let's tear Seska's most important weapon from her." Harry leaned forward and put down his cup on the table.

B'Elanna nodded. "That would definitely make it more difficult for her and the Nistrum."

"Second, we are one ship against many. As long as the Nistrum ships are operating together we are vulnerable, even when they don't have access to the information Seska provided. One on one it's a different story. Find their most important ship which has to be the First Maje's, find other ships and find out if they have strategic places important to their supply lines. It's possible Neelix knows a thing or two about this. We hit those hard. Make sure they get the message that we are strong. Once we have achieved that, send a message, suggesting a solution to the situation." Harry looked expectantly at B'Elanna.

"Aside from the talk part it sounds quite Napoleonic, this plan," Tom interjected.

Harry glanced at him. "I borrowed a few details," he admitted.

B'Elanna looked at Harry deep in thought. "So instead of trying to get Seska on our side, making it possible to slip out of this part of the quadrant unscathed, we should go to their so called heartland and strike them where it hurts and then place an ultimatum. More or less."

"Do you actually think Seska will let us slip away?" Harry asked them both. "I don't think so. She has no interest in staying in this quadrant. We are her ticket home. Exactly how she has planned to take advantage of us I don't know, but all this is part of a plan she has devised."

Both Tom and B'Elanna looked down at the table and Tom had some more of his beer. B'Elanna slowly tilted her cup from side to side. "I have to say, it's not exactly Starfleet protocol," B'Elanna mused.

"The Starfleet Charter article 14 section 31 states that extraordinary measures can be taken in times of dire emergencies. If we don't do something soon, something not involving alliances with the devil, we might have to settle for an ultimatum to get home at all. We know the captain is willing to sacrifice Voyager if needs be, but not everyone is. Her reply in the mess hall after the memorial service was clear, but it also showed that extraordinary measures has to be taken if someone or a group of people isn't going along with her decisions. This situation is perfect for someone to sell us out. Sell the captain and her right hand man out, everything to not die out here because of her decisions. Seska's offers might not seem so bad in the light of what the captain has made clear." Harry picked up his cup again to drink some.

B'Elanna shook her head. "I have thought about that too," she said faintly. "Voyager is buzzing like a wasp's nest. I can't say though if what she said is enough to push someone over to Seska's camp, but... the risk is certainly there. Communicating with Seska isn't going to be easy though." She took a sip from her cup.

"Harry, you should tell her all of this. It's her decision, but let her know what you think. She might consider it," Tom said.

B'Elanna turned her head to look at Tom. "Have you talked with her yet? This kind of touches what we were talking about a while ago."

"No, it has been a bit busy lately," he said and looked down at the bottle in his hand.

"You should. It's more clear than ever she needs more people to talk to," she pointed out and sipped some more raktajino.

Tom sighed, downed the beer and put it firmly on the table. "Don't know it. At the moment she's not easy to deal with unless you shut up and do what you're told. I'm not keen on ending up on her... well, you know." He looked apologetically at her.

"Shit list," B'Elanna said.

"Yeah, that one." He nodded and smiled at her and she returned it. Harry silently rolled his eyes but decided to not tease them. He wasn't in any mood for such things either.

"_*Hogan to Torres*_" The call made Tom and B'Elanna startle slightly. She tapped her combadge.

"Torres here," she responded.

"_*Could you come to engineering, please? The diagnostics are finished.*_"

"I'll be right there. Torres out." She put down her cup and turned to face the two men. "Well gentlemen, duty calls," she said and smiled faintly. She rose from the couch and started to walk towards the door. "Talk to her," she said over her shoulder as the doors opened to let her out.

Harry turned his head to look at Tom who gazed at the now closing door. "I'd better go too. It's not like there's a lack of work to do."

Tom chuckled and looked at the younger man. "Definitely not. I'll try and get some sleep. The captain wanted me at the helm when we meet with the Nistrum," he explained and got on his feet. Harry got up too and the two men left the room together.


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Threshold pt 1_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. Janeway and Paris ended up spending a couple of days in sickbay and I always wanted to know what they were talking about, because I was sure they did talk. This had to be turned in to a two parter because I'm letting them talk about two things, the past and the future.

* * *

><p>Kathryn sighed and looked up over the padd. She had to admit it was a bit difficult to focus on the latest report from Chakotay at the moment. Glancing to the left she saw the distraction in person, comfortably propped up on the bed he was occupying, also reading, but most likely not something as dry as the text she had in her hand. They hadn't talked much beyond that first conversation after returning to normal. His embarrassment didn't surprise her. She knew he had a great respect for her, not just for what she represented but for herself, for Kathryn Janeway.<p>

She let her eyes wander over the interiors of sickbay. It was efficient with a calm, slightly cold colour scheme, but right now she longed for a bit more comfort and some colour. It would have made the stay easier somehow. There was nothing wrong with her company. The EMH left them alone for the most part, Kes showed up every now and then to check on them and make sure they had what they needed and Neelix insisted on breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks in-between. He took his time to chat with them both to "cheer them up" as he said. Eavesdropping on the conversation between Neelix and Tom had revealed that Tom was working on holodeck programs, several of them, and that Neelix had suggestions. She smiled when hearing them talk. They had certainly become friends and once Neelix affection for someone had been awoken, he would always make sure he showed his appreciation.

She pondered why she had been the one Tom had brought with him and not any of the other women on Voyager. There was at least one other she could think of who definitely had his attention, so why not her? Had it been convenient? Had she been the only one who he could get to at that point? Or could it be that her conn officer actually was attracted to her? His stammering apology had made her curious. He claimed he had no recollection of the events on the planet and she had gone along with it then, but how could that be? She couldn't claim any amnesia, not that the memories were overly clear and bright – they were curiously affected by their evolutionary development – but she remembered. Kathryn couldn't honestly say who had been the initiator of intimacy. It seemed to her it had just happened. She had children, and she smiled sadly at the memory of them. They had discussed the matter at length, she and the Doctor, and what made her ultimately leave her three children where they were was the fact that it might be impossible to change them to humans. The process was complicated and even though it in theory could work for these children, it was difficult to know if the fact that they had been born in to this state would make it too difficult or even impossible to reverse evolution. The EMH had been reluctant to let the children be test subjects and she had agreed with him. If they couldn't go through it and come out alive with certainty, she'd rather let go and leave them. But still! Three children! She didn't like the thought of bringing children in to the world on Voyager in the Delta quadrant, because it was a dangerous place, but she had to admit that she would have accepted it and done her utmost to create the best possible place to grow up in. Again she glanced over at Tom. She was sure he would have made an excellent father, probably being able to give them more time than she could have.

"A penny for your thoughts," she heard and her eyelids clipped as she focused. She was still looking at Tom who had noticed the attention, or perhaps the inattention as she clearly had been miles away in her mind.

She smiled and looked down."Oh, I was just thinking about our children," she said and there was a streak of sadness in her voice.

Tom hadn't been participating in the discussion with the Doctor even though he had been there, listening. He hadn't known what to say. It was all so very odd. On one hand he did definitely want to bring those children to Voyager because he knew they would have a tough future alone, but he had to agree with the captain and the Doctor. He didn't want to harm them, no matter how well meaning they were. On the other hand, now when back on Voyager, he couldn't wrap his head around him being a father. They were there, and yet it all seemed to be a dream. A pretty embarrassing dream on top of that.

"I hope they make it," he said simply.

"At this point it's all we can hope for." She looked up at him. "I think you would have made a fine father," she said with a smile.

Tom looked down. "I would have given it my best," he said with embarrassment clearly visible.

Kathryn leaned slightly towards him. "I have been meaning to ask you, why me? Why did you take me with you?"

He looked up and met her curious eyes. Again he realised that she wasn't embarrassed at all and he wondered why that was. "When I broke free in engineering everyone was so intent on catching me I had to fire some to scare them away, and then I ran. I knew I had to bring someone with me." He paused. "It's strange now that I think about it. It wasn't a planned thing at all. I just knew I had to get off the ship. Find a companion and head off to a suitable M-class planet. It was so strange because I had ideas about who I wanted to bring, I really had. It got a bit complicated though and I almost thought I wouldn't find any of the people I had in mind but then you showed up... and I took the decision."

"I wasn't your first choice," she stated drily, still with a smile.

Tom tilted his head and his eyes darted away for a moment. "No, you weren't." He looked back at her. "But you were on the top end of that list."

She nodded. "I guessed as much," she replied with almost a coy smile setting fire to the ears on the man next to her.

"I'll let you in on a secret. I would have you too on the top end of such a list. It's nothing to be embarrassed about," she continued. "What happened happened. It can't be changed and I wouldn't want to change it either. It was the most peculiar experience, travelling at warp 10, evolving, living a life I could never have imagined... " She sat up and swung her feet over the side of her bed and looked intently at him. "I got to know you in a way I couldn't have here on Voyager. There is no one aboard this vessel I know better now. It's strange yet very rewarding. To me it's not possible to feel any embarrassment about it. You did what you felt you had to do and I understand why, because I went through the same process. When we left that planet, we left that life behind, but we didn't leave our shared experience, and I'm holding on to that, to the fact that we have it together." She paused. "It's quite difficult to put words on it." She sighed and looked to the side. "You know I have decided to not get involved with anyone as long as I'm captain of this ship, so no matter what happened down there, it's in the past. It's just that... in the process I felt I gained something very important, a friendship, a kinship, something I only have with one other being on this ship. And I'm grateful for it."

Tom looked at his captain with eyes wide with surprise. "I was wondering about that, how you could just accept it. I dragged you with me against your will and we ended up on that planet... Let's just say it never occurred to me to approach you in that manner before all this happened to me. Not that I think that you're unattractive, but you're my _captain_. You don't do something like that to your captain."

She smiled widely. "Well, one good thing is that we will know exactly where we stand with each other from now on." It was tempting to tell him that she had found him quite charming all this time when trying to get home to the Alpha quadrant, and she had enjoyed having him right there, in front of her every day. He was an excellent pilot, but that was not the only reason why she liked having him at the conn. She decided she wasn't going to tell him this. Besides, after the recent experiences she would never look at him in that light-hearted manner again. He had become a flesh and blood person and that had killed off any fleeting attraction she once had. In their evolved state she had chosen him not only because he was the only one there, but because he had been so much more than a charming pilot. She couldn't go back to looking at him like that.

Tom nodded and felt a bit better about the situation. It did help that she looked at it the way she did and admitted it too.

Kathryn pulled up her feet on the bed and leaned back on it. They were silent as the minutes ticked by. It was a comfortable silence and she was glad Tom felt a bit better about the situation. Her thoughts drifted away from those experiences to something completely different; the Kazon informant they had aboard. She and Tuvok had discussed at length how to deal with it. They needed someone to help them with a little scheme, someone trustworthy and important enough to be an attractive bait, someone the Kazoon and Seska would want to get their hands on. There were a handful of people to choose from, but she kept coming back to one person in particular. She turned to look at him. It was time to talk to him about their plans.

End of part one.


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Threshold pt 2_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. As promised, here is part two of this instalment.

* * *

><p>"Tom," she said to get his attention. He looked up in askance and she continued. "There is something else I need to talk to you about. It's strictly confidential, security level 9." His eyes widened and it was clear she had his full attention. She glanced around sickbay to make sure they were alone.<p>

"Someone is giving the Kazon information about Voyager. Security have picked up transmissions cleverly hidden and quite clearly to send unauthorised data. Despite our best efforts we haven't been able to unmask the person responsible for these transmissions, but there are of course theories," Janeway paused to take in the effect her words had on her conn officer. He frowned somewhat.

"So we're having problems not just because Seska knew our systems well when she left," he said.

"Yes. It was expected that she would cause us problems because of her position and the knowledge she gained from it, but it seems she has someone feeding her information about our status, our whereabouts and plans. Not all of them, but the ones that aren't classified or discussed in the senior officer's briefings. I have reason to believe that it's not one of the senior officers but someone further down in the chain of command, and I also believe that it's one of the former Maquis." She sighed. "There are a number of suspects at this point but I'm not so sure we have our eyes on the right person. This is someone who is quite gifted in hiding his or her tracks so we should expect that it's someone keeping a low profile."

"Are you sure about this suspicion towards the Maquis?" Tom asked hesitantly. "They are a colourful bunch of people, but they can't all be security risks."

"No, but the likelihood that this is non-Starfleet personnel is greater. As much as I would wish it to not be this way, I have to deal with the facts at hand. The fact remains that Seska was Maquis and the Maquis crew have issues with authority, with rules and loyalty to anything but the Maquis cause, and in some instances not even that. The way it's conducted is also pointing towards someone from the former Maquis crew," she said with a steely edge to her voice.

"Have you discussed this with commander Chakotay?" he asked and dropped the padd he was holding in his lap.

"No." She sighed once more. "Tuvok and I have been discussing this at length. He wishes to keep this secret from him since he was a Maquis. His reason is to keep Chakotay out of a possible conflict of loyalty, which I can understand," she said and tossed the pad she had been holding in her hand on the bed next to her.

"So why tell me about it?" Tom asked drawing himself backwards slightly.

"Because we need to set up a plan to unmask this informant. We need help from someone on the crew that could be seen as important enough for the Kazon to chase after. The obvious three are B'Elanna, Harry and you. I feel that Harry is too young and inexperienced and B'Elanna still too conflicted about her heritage which is causing her to err in judgement sometimes – and too young as well, though she has a lot more experience than Harry has. That leaves us with you." She looked intently at Tom.

"But you aren't too happy about that either." Tom pressed his lips together. Not that he was eager to become some kind of agent, but the trust of his captain was important.

"Tuvok can restrain his enthusiasm. I've had a somewhat different view and in the light of the week we've been through, I must say that you definitely is our best choice." Janeways smiled encouragingly at the younger man.

Tom snorted. "Who would have thought me kidnapping you would have that effect."

"It's not that simple. You have been proving yourself for quite some time. This... "she waved her hand a bit in the air, "wasn't needed for me to be convinced. And somehow I don't think Tuvok put your actions on the list of commendable things you have done," she said drily almost grinning. "However, I cannot deny that I know you quite.. intimately by now and it has only made me more certain you are the best person for this job."

His ears was yet again burning and he quickly decided to change focus away from him. "I still don't understand why Chakotay isn't allowed to know about this. Tuvok's concerns aside, he has been disappointed with his Maquis comrades twice by now. Tuvok turned out to be a Starfleet spy and Seska was a Cardassian one. If he learned there were someone else acting in a similar manner he would hunt that person down, especially if suspicion was aimed at one of his people," he continued.

Janeway found a better position on her bed before answering. "I keep thinking the same thing. The problem is that we need you to get off the ship. Over a period of time you are supposed to act increasingly disgruntled with life and with your situation." A fleeting cheeky smile passed over her features. "I think most on this ship are aware about the conflict between the two of you. Sometimes you barely see eye to eye. He has a tendency to be a bit too serious and stingy, while you use sarcasm to show your displeasure, well knowing how Chakotay reacts to that. Not well." She shook her head. "You are like oil and water. Interestingly enough, nothing of what you told me on New Zealand was true. You are as loyal as Chakotay, willing to risk far too much to save friends in need, as he would."

"We met under different circumstances," Tom reminded her. "I was in essence a mercenary. Chakotay had little choice in that situation but to buy my loyalty, but he hated it. When I flatly told him I wasn't interested in any cause – and that was for many reasons – he didn't appreciate my frankness about it." He grinned. "I don't think he likes what I told him then more today in the light of what has happened. I am still who I am. I never pretended to be anything I wasn't, unlike some people on that boat."

Janeway nodded. "This is a conflict I was hoping we could base your decision to leave on, if you can exploit it and make it the plausible reason for you to be unhappy enough to leave."

He looked at her with a mixture of surprise and disbelief. "Stepping up the conflict, pushing him to discipline me, generally act like I was sick and tired of everything, is that what you want me to do?" he asked. She nodded. Temporarily stunned he looked away from her. "Okay, so I will admit it would be somewhat fun to string Chakotay along for a while, but I would have to act like that even towards people I care about, friends whose opinions I care a great deal about." He paused and looked back at her. "I actually care about what Chakotay thinks too, believe it or not." Tom hung his head for a moment. "For it be be reasonable for me to leave I can't make any exceptions. It's a huge thing you're asking, because some friendships I have worked hard to forge." He looked up again. "Those could probably be mended once truth came out, but I don't think it's fair on Chakotay. We don't have that kind of relationship to mend and he would resent me a lot. And he'd feel you don't trust him."

She nodded. "I know. I just don't think he'd act convincingly if he was let in on this. He could in his eagerness to find the informant, sabotage this plan, destroying the only advantage we have at the moment, that this individual believes he or she is undetected. We can't risk driving this person deeper undercover." Her shoulders slumped and she glanced around the ceiling before meeting his eyes. "I wish we could do it differently, but I have taken the decision to not tell him." She pursed her lips. "I'm sure I'll have to invite him to a long private dinner later on to make amends and apologise."

Tom chuckled. "I think I'll stay out of his hair for a couple of months instead."

She looked intently at him. "So you accept this?" she asked.

He met her eyes and looked almost sad. "Yes, I will do it. For the sake of Voyager and the people I care about, I'll do it." He let his eyes slowly drift away and Janeway looked down. She knew what he was thinking about and it had been hard to ask him to do it. Even if his friends would understand she knew some would be angry and it would take him a while to mend those relationships. If he came back. She allowed herself to think the unthinkable. This was a risky plan to say the least. She pushed it away from her. It wouldn't be productive to think about what could be and in worst case scenarios. All that mattered was to focus on the task and how to make it work.

"I'm going to put my faith in the commander's ability to handle your behaviour. He will eventually come to me because he considers you to be in my corner, but I'll tell him it's his job and that I support his decisions. I will not in any way show any kind of softness towards you on this matter," she said.

"To make my work easier," Tom concluded and nodded.

"Tom, I understand this is a lot to ask from you, but I'm glad you decided to take it on. I appreciate it," she said warmly. Had the distance not been so great due to the positions of the beds, she would have put her hand on his arm.

Tom smiled back at her and nodded. "I'll do my best."

"I know you will," she replied.


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Meld_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. Tom is acting out of character and people notice.

* * *

><p>Harry walked through the corridor leading to engineering, not sure what to think about what was happening around him. The murder, though strangely distant to him, had been occupying his thoughts a lot. He was himself a quite gentle person, and before Voyager he had seen little violence. It was unfamiliar turf in many ways, not least because he was an engineer and a scientist. Numbers and calculations was his thing, not complex psychology.<p>

Then there was Tom. Or rather his behaviour. His wall was up again, Harry could tell. People who didn't know him all that well probably didn't notice, but Harry did because he felt shut out.

He reached the doors to engineering which opened to let him in and as he went in to the room he started looking for the chief engineer, ignoring the pulsing warp core. As he walked through the room his eyes involuntarily searched for the place where the murdered crewman had been found, but as quickly as he found the panel hiding the crime scene, he forced himself to focus on finding B'Elanna and pulled his eyes away from it.

B'Elanna didn't think of herself as the nervous kind, but she was weary. The murderer had been unmasked and she tried to think that there was no point in dwelling on it, but she was unsettled. Her conflict within had often caused her problems and violent outbursts, but she had never considered murdering another sentient being. She threw things, hit walls, screamed, and on occasion she hit other people, but she saw that as her running out on verbal arguments and that her frustration led her to lash out. She had no intention of actually killing anyone and she was always very upset with herself for her lack of control.

Suddenly she jumped up and swung around, hyperspanner in hand ready to strike at the person whose footsteps she had picked up. When she realised it was Harry she instantly dropped her guard and shook her head. Harry stood still with his hands chest high taken aback by her behaviour, but once she had dropped her guard he slowly resumed walking.

B'Elanna hunched down and dropped the spanner in her tool kit and looked up at him. "I'm sorry Harry. I don't know what's gotten in to me, but I'm a bit... jumpy," she apologised.

Harry hunched down beside her, making sure he kept some distance between them. "It's understandable, I think," he replied, not turning his attention to the work she had been doing. "How are you doing?" he continued, careful to not let his own weariness shine through.

"Okay, I guess," she said and looked up at him and smiled briefly. "I'll calm down soon. I always do." She turned her attention towards her tool kit and started closing it.

"How are reparations coming along?" he asked and for the first time looking at what she had been doing.

"As can be expected. People are a bit shaken so it's not running as smoothly as it usually does, but it gives me something to do, taking my mind off what has happened." She picked up the tool kit and rose and Harry followed her example and got on his feet too. She started walking towards the tool storage but half-turned and stopped, causing Harry to almost bump in to her. "Was there anything in particular you wanted?" she asked. "I'm sorry, I forgot to ask."

Harry smiled slightly. "No, I was just coming down to see how things were down here. Being on the bridge makes me feel unattached when serious things happens," he replied.

"Oh," she said, nodded and turned to resume walking.

"I wanted to ask you something while I'm here," he blurted and B'Elanna stopped again and turned to face him.

"What, Starfleet?" she said beginning to sound impatient.

"Have you noticed something strange going on with Tom lately?" he asked and put his hands on his hips.

B'Elanna tilted her head slightly and was quiet for a moment. "I'm not sure. He has been pretty elusive, not responding to my messages as promptly as he usually does." She paused again and her jaw set visibly.

"Something else?" he asked and looked at her under the imaginary bangs. By the way she was clenching her teeth he suspected he knew the answer.

She dropped the tool kit and crossed her arms avoiding his searching eyes. "Susan told me he has been trying to chat her up a couple of times."

"Nicoletti?" Harry asked and managed to keep his amusement in check.

B'Elanna nodded. "The very one." She turned her head and glared at him. "She's on my team," she said with apparent displeasure.

He looked down, trying to school his features before replying. "That doesn't necessarily disqualify anyone from socialising with Tom," he pointed out. He realised he had definitely said the wrong thing when she sneered and picked up her tool kit and stormed off. "B'Elanna!" he called out and glanced around the room to check if anyone was noticing anything. Sighing he half-ran to catch up with her. "B'Elanna, hold on a second." She stopped as she came up to the storage and put the tool kit away, avoiding to look at Harry. "I didn't mean to make you upset, but you have to admit that he is allowed to speak and see anyone he likes. Even if that person is on your team," he said.

She turned her head towards Harry. "I don't have to like it," she said sternly.

"No, you don't." He sighed again. "Why don't you just tell him you don't like it? Ask him out," he said and crossed his arms over his chest as some sort of shielding against her reaction which he was sure wasn't going to be of the receptive kind.

She was visibly stunned and stared at Harry for long moments, to a point when he started to get uncomfortable with her silence. Suddenly she snorted. "Right. Yeah, like I should just walk up to Mr. Flyboy and ask him out. 'Say Paris, do you have any gaps in your dating schedule the coming week or so? If you could be so kind to squeeze me in perhaps?'" She paused. "I don't think so," she continued dismissively.

"He doesn't have a dating schedule. And his off hour schedule isn't exactly packed either." B'Elanna rolled her eyes but he cut her off before she could say anything. "B'Elanna, I know you guys are talking sometimes. I don't know about what, but I have a hunch that it's about serious things. Difficult things. Because of this he won't ask you out. Not because he doesn't like you in that way, but because it's important to him to be friends with you, to have someone to talk to in a way he clearly can't with me." He paused briefly and put his hands on his hips. "Judging from your behaviour you're not exactly indifferent to him."

B'Elanna got a glint in her eyes and she stepped well inside Harry's comfort zone with her hands on her hips as well. "Starfleet, the day I'm asking that flyboy on a date, is the day when hell freezes over," she replied.

Harry sighed at the drama. Her Klingon side obviously got the better of her at the moment. "Think about it. He's probably in a rough spot at the moment because he has pulled down the curtain on me. I don't know what it is but something is on his mind."

"Susan Nicoletti is what's on his mind," she said and backed off signalling that the conversation was over. Harry almost wanted to scream at her, but managed to only shake his head. You stubborn woman, he thought as he watched her turn and leave. He looked around for Susan and when he spotted her he walked over to talk with her.

"Susan Nicoletti?" he asked. She turned looking surprised and slightly hesitant. "I hear you play the oboe," he said with a smile.

She nodded and and smiled slightly. "Yes I do," she confirmed.

"You see, I have been thinking about putting together an orchestral program here on Voyager..."


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Dreadnought_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. There are perceptive individuals aboard, sentient as well as holographic.

* * *

><p>Samantha Wildman had great difficulties even moving inside the escape pod, but getting out of it turned out to be a real challenge. Climbing in had been fairly easy and once she had been in her place it had been okay. Now it was a matter of getting out of it and she realised she just couldn't manage alone. The rest of the crew had climbed out already and she sat contemplating if she should use the combadge to ask for assistance, when Tom Paris stuck his head in through the hatch.<p>

"There you are! Having difficulties?" he asked cheerfully.

She nodded. "It was a lot easier to get in than out," she said with amusement lining her voice.

Tom chuckled and quickly entered the pod. "Design people tend to forget about pregnancies and what it does to agility." He moved inside and came up next to her.

Harry now showed up in the open hatch. "Ready?" he asked.

"Yeah," Tom nodded to Harry and turned to Samantha. "Here's the plan. I'll help you to the hatch so you can get your feet out through it. Then I'll put my arms under yours, lifting you up and letting you slide out while Harry helps you on the other end. Once your feet are on the ground I'll let go. Okay?" She nodded. Slowly she scooted towards the hatch with the assistance from Tom. Once there, with her feet hanging through it, she was carefully hoisted upwards and then slowly lowered towards the deck. Harry stood to her right and Ensign Lang to the left, reaching out getting hold of her hands and arms to stabilise her as she came out. She landed on feet without problems and stepped away from the pod, stopped and turned.

"Thank you very much," she said with a smile.

Tom jumped out of the hatch and smiled back at her. "No problem ensign."

"How are you feeling?" Harry asked her.

"Okay I guess. A bit shaken but that's all," she replied and put her hands over her belly.

Tom stepped up next to her. "Tell you what, let's head over to sickbay to check you and the baby out, just to be on the safe side," he said and gently put his hand on her shoulder.

"Oh, but I'm sure the Doctor has other things to do right now," she said half-heartedly. Tom shifted his position and slipped both his hands on to her shoulders, gently nudging her forward.

"Nonsense. I'll walk you there and tell him that I insist. He can't resist when I ask," he said with a grin. She nodded and heard Harry chuckle behind her.

"Thank you for doing this," she said as they walked to the turbolift.

"No problem, Samantha. We all want you do well, both of you," he replied with a gentle voice.

"Lieutenant... "she started saying but was cut off by Tom.

"Call me Tom," he said.

"Okay, Tom." She smiled slightly. "I have noticed that you're not quite happy... I don't mean to pry but... it has been hard to miss." She smiled apologetically. "Of course there are the usual rumours, but I don't like gossip." She stopped as they arrived at the turbolift. The doors opened and they stepped inside and she couldn't help notice Tom's discomfort.

"It's complicated. There have been a lot on my mind lately," he said, avoiding to look at her. She nodded.

"I don't want you to think I know what it could be about, I just hope you figure it out. You're a fine officer, Tom," she continued with warmth in her voice.

He glanced at her slightly taken aback. "Thank you," he said and sounded a bit surprised. She smiled back at him and for long moments they were quiet. The lift stopped and opened its door to let them out. Samantha turned her head and smiled at Tom as she stepped out and Tom smiled back somewhat strained. When they entered sickbay the EMH wasn't immediately visible but they heard him talking somewhere in the room. As they walked further inside, the primary biobed came in to view and they both stopped. On it was B'Elanna, being treated for burns. Samantha gasped and Tom reached out and put his hand on her shoulder as he had done earlier. Kes looked up and smiled at them and came over to greet them.

"Is anything wrong?" she asked calmly but a little concerned.

"No, not really," the ensign said in an apologising manner.

"I brought her here," Tom cut in. "She was shaken up a bit so I thought a check up was a good idea." He gave Kes a small smile, almost more of a grimace, and glanced towards the bed.

Kes turned her attention towards Samantha and started to lead her off to a free biobed. Samantha looked over at B'Elanna. "How is she doing?" she asked with concern.

"She got burns on her face and hands but nothing I can't handle. She will fully recover," the EMH replied without looking up, concentrating on the regeneration. He suddenly looked up at Tom who stood where he had stopped, as if he was bolted to the floor.

"Mr. Paris, anything I can do for you?" he asked pointedly and turned his eyes back to the procedure in front of him.

"No... no I just escorted ensign Wildman here. There's nothing wrong with me." The corners of his mouth curled upwards and he weighed on his heels as he put his hands on his back.

"Oh I wouldn't be so sure," the Doctor replied not looking up. "You are displaying several symptoms of distress, paling, change in breathing pattern," the Doctor looked up, "and your pupils are dilated." He looked at him almost expectantly at Tom.

Tom opened his mouth to say something but not a word was heard. He closed it again, swallowed and looked down. "I heard it was a close call," he then said and looked up at the EMH.

"Certainly. A second later and there would have been no need for me to regenerate cellular structure," he said and turned back to his patient. "But as I said, she will make a full recovery. There is nothing to worry about."

Tom nodded and started to back off. "Thanks doc," he said, turned and walked briskly out of sickbay. The EMH looked up after him, frowning slightly. Despite his limited possibility to move around, rumours and gossip trickled in to his world too. Comparing those to what he actually saw was confusing. He shrugged and turned his focus back to the treatment he was administrating. There had to be a logical explanation for the discrepancy between what was right there in front of him and the talk flying around at warp 9. For now though it didn't make any sense but since he couldn't do anything about it, he pushed it aside and filed it for later analysis.


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Death Wish_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. I love this episode. Well, I love all the Q-episodes but de Lancie and Mulgrew are particularly good together so this was such a treat. However, while Janeway has a dilemma she has to get to the bottom with, other people are having their own problems, actually created by their captain and the chief of security.

* * *

><p>The environment was smoky and pretty dark and on a makeshift stage a black female singer sat on a stool with her guitar. Her style was bare and her voice cracked at times but everyone was devouring it. Her presence was strong and the man entering the room through the doors from the alley outside was involuntarily immediately drawn in. He wondered how he could have missed this and who could have programmed it. Slowly he made his way over to the bar and soon found himself standing watching and listening with a glass of wine in his hand.<p>

"She's the best I have seen in years," Sandrine said completely absorbed by the woman on the stage. Tom glanced at her in surprise, but nodded. He racked his brain trying to place this artist and the music but he simply couldn't. Because of the setting, live with an acoustic guitar, there were no obvious time markers and he didn't recognise the songs either. Music wasn't his speciality, so the fact that he didn't recognise the songs or the singer didn't say much. For all he knew this could be a well known musician with famous songs, but not anyone he had come across.

He started sweeping with his eyes over the audience sitting in front of him. Tuvok sat to the side at a table slightly in the shade intently listening. The sight of the Vulcan made him raise one eyebrow, but he had noticed that the security officer often participated in social activities like this. Tom's eyes searched on. Baytart sat with the Delaney sisters near Tuvok, and not far away a group of former Maquis huddled close occasionally whispering and nodding. The EMH, Kes and Neelix sat together with Samantha Wildman and the Doctor seemed to be completely absorbed. Well, in fact, Neelix was quite taken too. As his eyes went from table to table he realised that most who could have made it was there. And then his heart jumped. With Hogan, Bristow and Henley B'Elanna sat, relaxed and slightly smiling, with her eyes on the stage. She quite obviously knew this singer and her songs, because on occasion she very subtly mouthed the lyrics. It dawned on him; the programmer had to be B'Elanna and judging by the attendance, rumours about this addition had spread like a wildfire. He wondered why no one had mentioned it to him, but then he remembered that he was quickly, surprisingly quickly, being eyed with suspicion and people was starting to avoid him. He clenched his teeth. It did hurt him though it was to be expected. He had known it would become tough, especially with the ones he knew well and cared much about, but he realised that it was pretty tough to deal with the reactions from the rest of the crew as well. He sighed inwardly and decided to keep playing his part. In the middle of a particularly emotional passage he demonstratively put down his glass and sauntered out of the bistro, keeping himself in the little light there was as much as possible. He stopped just outside the doors and exhaled and listened to the muffled sounds of the song ending and appreciative applause beginning. Aching inside he resumed walking. It seemed best to get this day over with so he headed for his quarters. He could always read, he decided.

=/\= =/\= =/\=

The concert was a hit. She glanced around at the people gathered. Everyone seemed quite taken with the performance and she felt almost giddy because of it. There hadn't been a lot to be giddy about lately so she welcomed the feeling and she smiled and let herself be carried away by the music, on occasion mouthing the lyrics that spoke to her the most. She was certain most had no idea who the woman on the stage was, nor had they ever heard any of her songs. Usually she wasn't exactly a music connoisseur, but at the academy she had at one point heard the songs floating out from an open window and she decided she had to find out who the artist was and immediately got hold of everything released by the artist in question. She had carried it with her throughout the rest of her time at the academy and it had been the music consoling her in difficult times as a Maquis. Today she shared it with the people on Voyager. At least those who could make it.

She noticed that people around her stirred slightly and she glanced around and saw Paris stroll out of the bistro as if he didn't care about the performance at all. He hadn't even said hello to her. She felt another pang of disappointment. Why was he acting so distant and strange all of a sudden? The memory of the chat they'd had in engineering a while ago flooded her mind. His words had hit her like bullets, though he hadn't exactly said it was her he had changed his mind about. But he had changed his mind about a lot of things, that much was clear now. His constantly escalating conflict with Chakotay was one thing she knew plenty about. Chakotay was upset about it and for the first time he felt he was losing his grip. Paris was obnoxious, pushing Chakotay's buttons quite casually and Chakotay was angry as well as at loss what to do about it. Paris was still their best pilot and could make the difference between Voyager being dead or limping away, injured but still in one piece. However, if this went on Chakotay would have to reprimand Paris. She had listened several times trying to offer advice only to feel just as much at loss as her friend. Harry hadn't been much help either. He just shrugged his shoulders and said he thought Paris seemed to have some real difficulties of some sort, but he wouldn't let Harry in on what it was. Every now and again they all spotted glimpses of the old Tom, caring, respectful, smiling, but before you knew it he had pulled down the blinds with a snap and back in place was that sarcastic and distant mask, and you knew he would drive Chakotay up the wall and act like he didn't give a damn about anything any more. She was certain Harry had been completely mistaken, that Paris had a soft spot for her. It had seemed so real though, that he actually cared. After her ordeal on Dreadnought she had been in desperate need for someone to listen and hand her the paper tissues, but instead she had ignored his promise that he'd be there and be that person, choosing to cry in her bed instead, desperately clutching her pillow. She knew he wouldn't honour that promise.

The applauds around her brought her back to the present and she joined the others in the appreciation. The concert was over and she just had to get out of there before she lost her self-control in some way or the other. Freddie Bristow tried to catch her attention but she ignored him, clamping down on the red haze starting to cloud her vision. Bristow hadn't done anything, she reminded herself, but to be on the safe side she hurried out of the bistro. Once outside she started running towards the turbolift. She couldn't get back to her quarters fast enough.

Like so many times before she stood leaning her forehead against the alloy separating her from the vacuum of space. She was blind to the stars outside, not rushing by like they usually did. It was a beautiful sight but she couldn't even look at them. Slowly she turned away from the viewport and begun to mechanically undress. The best she could do was to end this day as quickly as she could, get it over with. Maybe tomorrow would be better. A small voice inside her whispered it was a false hope. She ignored it, climbed in to bed and buried her head in the pillow.


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Lifesigns_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. Things are escalating. I never believed it was easy for Tom to act disgruntled, especially not towards his friends. I also think it's pretty clear that B'Elanna reacted in a very negative way to his behaviour. The writers never dealt with this so I'm taking a shot at it in these Investigation arc instalments.

* * *

><p>"He did what?" Tom asked and leaned forward, looking intently at Neelix on the other side of the pool table.<p>

"He's a good doctor, but he's not always the most diplomatic person," Neelix said.

"His bedside manners haven't been the best but I didn't expect him to act this way," Tom groused. He watched Neelix shoot another ball in a pocket. "So what happened?" he asked as Neelix straightened his back.

"Oh, Denara told B'Elanna she only wanted her help if she was willing to provide it, and by that the whole thing was settled. B'Elanna went through with it," Neelix answered as he moved around the table trying to find the next shot.

"She does seem different from the Vidiians I have met," Tom said thoughtfully and shifted foot.

Neelix smiled and prepared for his next shot. "She's shy but seems like a good woman," he replied and took aim. The balls clonked together and the right ball went down in a pocket and Neelix straightened and looked up at Tom who seemed to be too distracted to notice he was loosing. "Tom, are you okay?" he asked

Tom jerked his head up and looked with wide eyes at Neelix. "Yeah, sure. I'm fine," he said and tried to grin.

Neelix went over to Tom and put his hand under Tom's arm and pushed him forward to a table where they sat down. "Tom, I must say you seem like you have problems," he said. "Is there any way I can help?"

Tom sighed. It was definitely getting harder to fend off those who cared for him. Neelix was particularly difficult since he took his job as morale officer very seriously. It came from a generous heart, Tom knew that, which didn't exactly help. He felt pretty rotten when he brushed it off and tried to avoid him.

"I'm not in the best of spots right now. It's difficult sometimes for me... on a personal level," he said, which wasn't a lie. It was hard and he was in a difficult position.

Neelix nodded. "I have noticed that you and commander Chakotay isn't getting along all that well lately," he said.

"Oh, that's old news. We've never been on very friendly terms. I'm tired of his attitude. I'm the best pilot around and yet he can't take my suggestions and advice for what they are. Our past stands in the way," Tom said. It was twisting it a bit, but there was some truth in it. Because of his mission though he was building a whole hen house out of that feather, something he definitely wouldn't have done otherwise.

"But can't you talk to him?" Neelix asked.

Tom sighed again. "I don't think he'd be very receptive." Which also was pretty accurate. After the treatment he had put him through he seriously doubted Chakotay would listen. Especially since Tom still couldn't reveal why he had acted the way he had. Once this was all over, maybe.

"Think about it. Conflicts don't solve themselves and someone has to take the first step." Neelix leaned forward somewhat. "Tell you what, I have noticed you haven't been socialising much lately. I think it would do you good to spend some times with friends. Perhaps one of those camp fire evenings you had a while ago. I could always whip something up for you," Neelix offered.

Tom almost fled right there. He desperately wanted to get out of this conversation. The advice and suggestions from Neelix were good, no doubt about that, but he couldn't follow them. He couldn't put himself in a situation where he had to be this disgruntled person towards his friends, he just couldn't. It would hurt them and he didn't want to do that to them unless it was absolutely necessary. B'Elanna had taken it hard and had avoided him since his comments about how she fitted in and he didn't. He had expected and hoped she would seek him out but she hadn't. At times she just looked right through him, as if he wasn't there, a clear sign she was shutting him out. Sometimes he thought about showing up on her doorstep to tell her what was really happening, but he knew he couldn't. He suspected she was talking to Chakotay and if he told her that they were trying to unmask a spy, she could end up revealing the truth to Chakotay. Not that he thought she would talk to Chakotay because she couldn't keep a secret, but because he didn't believe she could act like she knew nothing and continue like before he told her.

Harry was easier. Tom had just put on that I-don't-care mask, and though Harry had wondered and asked about it, he didn't push nor become particularly hurt by it. It seemed like Harry believed he would snap out of it eventually.

Tom looked at Neelix and decided he had to leave. He couldn't stay and play the part here any more. "I appreciate your concern Neelix and I'll give it some thought, but right now I'm not feeling to well. I think I might be coming down with something," he said trying to look like he was unwell.

"Perhaps you should see the Doctor?" Neelix said with concern in his voice.

"It's probably just a little Delta quadrant bug of some sort. Taking it easy will probably be enough," Tom replied desperately hoping the EMH wouldn't suddenly show up, ruining his little charade. He got out of the chair, went over to the cue stand to put his cue away and left the bistro as quickly as he could without raising any suspicion. With a deep sigh he slowed down and relaxed as he walked the corridor towards the turbolift. Locking himself up to work on a holodeck program seemed like the most sensible thing to do. Hiding in his quarters worked well to enhance the impression that he was unhappy. It also had the added bonus that he didn't have to act like a jerk. He reached the turbolift and waited for a while before the doors opened - and he froze.

Tom and B'Elanna stared at each other for long moments before he finally managed to will himself to step in to the lift. As he stepped inside he glanced at her and noticed she had averted her eyes and was looking at the floor.

"Deck four," he ordered the computer and kept his eyes on her. "Are you doing okay?" he asked as the lift started moving.

She glanced at him and her eyes darted away as their eyes made contact. "I'm fine," she said a bit confused.

"I heard what happened in sickbay... " he started saying unable to find anything else sensible to say.

She turned her head towards him and looked him straight in his eyes, looking suspicious and confused. Like if she wanted to shield herself she crossed her arms over her chest and looked away. "Your concern for my well-being is heart-warming," she said dismissively but not with any of the sarcasm she often used.

Tom looked straight ahead and put his hands on his back, straightening somewhat. "I know what you went through in the Vidiian mines," he reminded her. B'Elanna was quiet and he turned his head to look at her. "It couldn't have been easy," he continued. He could see the emotions rolling over her and then she turned her head and met his eyes.

"No, it wasn't. I'm still not sure it was the right thing to do to help that woman." She held the gaze and he felt an overwhelming urge to stop the turbolift and tell her what was going on. This situation was just hopeless, watching her anger, suspicion and hope like this. It wasn't fair on her.

"I can understand that," he said. The lift stopped and the doors opened. He hesitated for a moment before stepping out of it. Once outside he turned around and looked at her and their eyes met and they stood looking at each other until the doors closed. Tom let out the breath he hadn't known he was holding and cursed under his breath. Logic told him he had done the right thing not telling her, but logic wasn't always right and this time he knew it was wrong. The opportunity was lost though and with heavy steps he walked to his quarters to do the only thing he could do, hide so he didn't have to act someone he wasn't.

"I hope she'll still talk to me once this is over," he said quietly to himself.


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Investigations_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. So it's time to start the healing process. It's not going to be easy, but you've got to start somewhere.

* * *

><p>B'Elanna stepped out of the sonic shower and reached for the clothes she had prepared. The shower always marked the end of a day when she could relax and not be the chief engineer, but simply B'Elanna. She padded in to her room and picked up a padd on the way to her bed. Turning on the light by the bed she ordered the ceiling lights to be turned down to 30% and climbed in to bed. Before lifting the padd to start reading she stared up on to the ceiling, thinking about the strange events over the days past. When it had happened she felt unreal, like it wasn't part of her life. Tom leaving, coming back as a hero and a person she had trusted had died when unmasked as a spy. The Delta quadrant was certainly not a place where you could relax, where people could be trusted and where a surface wasn't always telling the whole story. Her thoughts went to Chakotay. It angered her that he hadn't been let in on this. If he couldn't be trusted now, when would he ever be? She was angry at Tom for the way he had handled his public apology to Chakotay. For once in your life, don't make everything a joke, she had wanted to scream at the screen.<p>

She was relieved that it all had been a rouse, but she couldn't just turn the page and go on as if nothing had happened. Sighing she lifted the padd and started to read. Right now she didn't want to deal with all of that, just escape and ignore the world outside her door for a while.

=/\= =/\= =/\=

Tom stepped out of the turbolift and walked down the empty corridor. Life had returned to normal on the surface, but something like what had just happened didn't just go away. He felt restless and had difficulties finding his former routine. To bring some clarity to his life he spent more time than usual on the holodeck running. He knew he couldn't outrun the issues existing on Voyager, but it felt good to pretend life was simple for a while. This evening though, while running, he realised he'd have to stop procrastinating and deal with some of them. He was still not ready to face Chakotay though.

Shower, then taking the bull by the horns, he decided. He didn't linger, but had a quick shower and threw on some lose pants and a hooded sweater and with a determined stride he went out of his quarters. In the corridor he pulled up the hood over his head. It was in itself a bit silly to hide like that, but he wasn't keen on attracting any attention right now. Thankfully the ship was pretty silent and the corridors were almost empty and his little excursion seemed to go unnoticed. He reached his destination and pressed the door alarm button. Seconds ticked by with no response and he was just about to ask the computer about the whereabouts of the inhabitant when he heard the magic words, come in. He drew a deep breath and stepped through the opening doors.

Mirroring a previous late evening visit, he saw B'Elanna doing the same belt chase as he once had done. It felt like that had been a very long time ago. He pulled down the hood just as she looked up at him, tied the belt and crossed her arms.

"Afraid to be seen in the neighbourhood?" she asked with an edgy voice.

He stepped further in to her quarters and stopped in front of her. "I didn't feel like giving any interviews," he responded calmly.

B'Elanna snorted. "So what are you doing here?" she continued, not moving an inch, but instead she tilted her chin slightly upwards with a contentious look on her face.

He put his hands on his hips and leaned forward somewhat, steadily looking in to her eyes. "I'm here for a drink and a little talk."

She suddenly looked a little uncertain and her snort stuck in her throat. "Talk," she repeated and her voice sounded flat.

"Yes. You know, words, sentences, exchange of thoughts and ideas," he replied, maintaining eye contact.

"I know what it means. I'm just not sure I'm up for it." A desperation was creeping in to her voice.

"At some point we'll have to talk, B'Elanna. It's not going to get better if we put it off." He let his voice soften and drew back a bit to give her some space, but he noticed it wasn't quite enough as she started to look like a deer in headlights, so he turned and went over to the replicator. "Tea? Something stronger?" he asked and turned his head to look at her.

"Tea is fine," she said and slowly walked over to her couch.

"Tea, Darjeeling, hot, sweet," he ordered while figuring out what he would order. "Tea, Earl Grey, hot," he then ordered and smiled as he was saying it. Those words had become legendary at the academy, but he had heard them in real life from the man himself. One of the benefits of growing up in the Paris family was all the high ranking officers he had met over the years, some the stuff of legends among the cadets.

He picked up the cups and walked over to the couch, handed B'Elanna her tea and sat down, making sure he left plenty of space between them. Now he only needed to find something sensible to say. Keeping up that usual façade of an easygoing Paris wasn't going to do him any good here. He watched B'Elanna stir the tea and blow at the surface before trying to take a sip, still unable to find the right words. Silence dragged on and eventually she looked up and met his gaze. She sighed and put down her cup carefully on the table.

"Tom, I know what happened. I know why you acted... strange," she said keeping her eyes on the couch. "I just need some time to... digest it all."

He sighed and put down his cup too before leaning forward trying to catch her attention and hopefully entice her to look up. It succeeded. Thank heavens for small mercies, he thought. "I know everyone knows what happened. But there's a difference between everyone and people I count as friends. The people I call friends had an especially difficult time, and I'm very sorry it had to be that way. You have no idea how many times I almost told you what was going on. Especially you. You took it so hard in comparison to everyone else and it was difficult to watch." He leaned back and picked up his cup and took a sip. "The most important reason I never told you was because I knew you were talking to Chakotay," he continued.

"You don't think I can keep a confidence?" B'Elanna all but spat out.

"No," he said kindly. "I think you'd be able to stay quiet. But I wasn't so sure you'd be able to act like you didn't know what was going on." He took another sip of the tea. "I knew Chakotay was having a difficult time. His whole authority was in jeopardy the way I pushed things. Naturally he needed someone to talk to about this, and who better than you? I guessed you knew exactly how I drove him up the wall, what I said and did – or didn't do. If I had told you, you would have been in a difficult situation. I figured you would get angry with me and with the captain and that you would have had a difficult time pretending you weren't, and that you had no idea why I suddenly was an ass." Tom had another sip of tea. "Chakotay is perceptive and he would have spotted the change in you and wondered about it. Possibly asked you. Most likely put together some theories. Had you not been so close to Chakotay I probably would have cracked, but you speak of him as your brother. How could I ever let you in on this if Chakotay wasn't?" he asked.

B'Elanna tilted her head. "So you gave me the same treatment as the captain did with Chakotay?" she replied and her eyes sparkled with held back anger.

"She decided who should know and not. I _did_ protest because I didn't agree with Tuvok's assessment. In a long term perspective, keeping Chakotay from the truth would not only injure his trust in the captain but he and I might not ever be able to mend the little sliver of... I was going to say friendship but it's not quite what it was. We had a working relationship, but it was coming to a point when he was letting down his guard at times with me. Now? Yeah, when pigs can fly," he said with a bitter lining to his voice. "Don't get me wrong, I wanted to do this for the ship and for everyone here on Voyager, but I didn't like some decisions made by the captain."

B'Elanna silently looked at her cup. The anger she had felt at Tom when he sat there with Neelix, having his apology broadcast all over the ship was gone. She couldn't muster up the energy to be angry with him for that any more. "Why did you joke about it?" she asked and looked up.

Tom frowned. "I'm not sure what you mean," he said.

"On Neelix' show. You said you had enjoyed it at times, being hard on Chakotay," she clarified.

He looked embarrassed and averted his eyes. "I just can't help it. I don't know what to do or say if I can't joke about it. It's something to hide behind, to avoid having to reveal more about what's going on inside, what I'm thinking... What I'm feeling." He looked back at B'Elanna with a controlled expression. His voice revealed nothing.

She smiled slightly. "Like I use anger," she said softly.

A lopsided smile grew over Tom's features and he nodded slightly. "Yeah, something like that." His embarrassment came back and he cleared his throat. "About that, getting angry I mean, I thought you'd be really upset. Yell at me... " his voice trailed off.

"Oh, I'm angry alright. I just lost the energy to take it out on you," she replied with a smile. Tom looked so confused that she started to laugh. Once she had managed to quell it she continued. "You hurt me Tom, I'm not denying that. Once the truth was revealed I wanted to smash up engineering because I was so angry with you. I wanted to yell at you when you apologised on Neelix' show. I get so angry when I think of that... petaQ you have inside of you, how easily you bring him out. I hate that side of you." By now her face had darkened and her voice betrayed her honest disgust.

Tom stared at her. Her words hit him like if she had hit him with her fists. He had known she didn't like the Tom Paris he had acted before they came to the Delta quadrant but he hadn't expected her to feel so strongly about it now. He really didn't know what to say, how to explain that it wasn't him, that it had never been him, just a surface he had hidden behind because he couldn't handle the world around him, that he hadn't known what to do with himself. All that self-contempt after the accident and the shame, how could he explain to her?

"Aren't you going to say something about that?" she said as the silence dragged on. Something was going on behind those eyes, she could see that, but it wasn't exactly obvious what.

"I'm sorry B'Elanna," he said and went silent again as he tried to find a way to explain his behaviour. She tilted her head and looked back at him expectantly. He tore his eyes away and glanced around the room, snorted at his behaviour before daring to look back at her. "When you hate yourself, what you have become, for what you have done... it's not like you're going to be the most likeable person around," he said and paused. He kept staring back in to her eyes and opened his mouth to continue, stopped himself and then he continued. "It wasn't easy to bring that person back out, even if you think it was. It was a lot more difficult than I imagined it would be to become that person once more. I don't have to be that Tom Paris because I don't hate myself the way I did." B'Elanna looked away. "During those years after Caldik Prime I was always at my worst when I really cared." He paused. "Does that make any sense?" he asked.

She quickly looked back at him and a flicker of a smile washed over her face. "In fact, it does. To me at least," she replied.

He looked down at his forgotten tea and put it down on the table. He sighed and looked back up at B'Elanna. "Well, I'm done with being the resident agent stringing people along. I just wanted you to know I'm sorry for my behaviour. I know I probably broke that promise to listen, and I'm sorry about that too. If you still trust me after all of this, my door is always open."

She nodded quickly and her eyes darted away. Right now she didn't know if she could take that step, but it felt good that he remembered. She heard him stirring and looked up and saw him rise.

"I'd better get back to my place," he explained but stood for a moment like his feet had become bolted to the floor just looking down at her. His gaze was intense and suddenly she found herself blushing. Quickly she looked around and got on her feet too, busying herself by picking up her cup.

"I should try and get some sleep," she said lightly and briskly walked over to the recycler to get rid of the cup. As she turned back towards the room she saw Tom picking up his cup.

"Oh, don't bother. I can do that," she quickly said. It didn't have the effect she had hoped for. Instead of putting it down and walking out of the room he stood with it in his hand looking searchingly at her.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she replied and walked over to him to take the cup from him. Involuntarily she glanced up at him when he handed it to her and met his eyes.

"Your secret is safe with me," he said, by now clearly amused.

"What secret?" she demanded.

"That you blush," he said softly and smiled. "Not going to tell a living soul. Goodnight B'Elanna," he continued and left her standing as frozen with the cup in hand staring after him.

"Goodnight," she whispered.


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Deadlock_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. When the two Voyagers are trying to merge the more heavily damaged Voyager's crew is evacuated to deck 11, where engineering and the airponics bay is located. I took the liberty of assuming that they wouldn't let people back to their quarters immediately after that failed attempt. It was estimated that it should take three days to get the bridge operational on deck one when Janeway made her first personal log after they had narrowly escaped, so I just let the whole crew suffer for a while in cramped quarters since it would be unrealistic that the rest of the damage miraculously could be fixed just like that. Camping Voyager style may commence.

* * *

><p>B'Elanna sighed and silently edged herself up until she sat with her back against the console. Voyager had been in trouble before, but this was one of the worst moments they'd had faced so far. Engineering was as quiet as it was possible considering that a substantial part of the crew was in it. People had fanned out as best they could, in corridors and in the airponics bay, but it was inevitable that some would have to sleep in engineering. She was one of them. Though the captain had left it to each and everyone to decide where they'd sleep, the senior officers and the bridge crew had ended up in engineering, pretty much as a group. She knew why. Command was in engineering, a few steps away from where they had decided to sleep. If anything happened they would be at their "stations" within seconds. The only concession they had made was to at least sleep where they weren't too much in the way, which also meant the space where they could bunk was relatively small. She opened her eyes and glanced around. To her right she had the captain, soundly sleeping like the most natural thing in the world. Tuvok was pulling at least double shifts, claiming Vulcans could get by on a lot less sleep than anyone else so his temporary abode was empty. Harry had the night shift which meant another empty bed. Chakotay was asleep further away, as much in the shade as possible. She envied their calm sleep. The fact that she was awake in the middle of her sleep shift wasn't because she felt rested. No, she was dead tired, but she had difficulties sleeping despite that. She longed for privacy and a shower. Her idea of fun was not improvised camping and in her opinion this was the worst kind of camping too. She felt like she was holding Voyager together with tape and prayers to Kahless and that was adventure enough for her.<p>

With another sigh she looked the other way over the sleeping forms. She almost jumped when she realised she met someone else's open eyes peering at her in the relative darkness. It irritated her that she hadn't heard anything. It had to be because she was tired, because even a slight shift in the breathing among those around her should have alerted her someone else was awake. Silently the other insomniac sat up and edged himself so he leaned against the console next to her. She smirked. Tom had snatched the best place to sleep in when it was clear they'd have to spend a while on deck 11, until it was safe to let people back in to their quarters. When she realised it she had become really annoyed, but she quickly made sure she'd at least get the second best spot, which was next to him. Look at them now, she thought. The best spots in the house, and the only ones not able to sleep.

"Sorry I can't get us some warm milk," Tom whispered in her ear.

She snorted as silently as she could. "I don't think it'd help much," she whispered back. They sat so close their shoulders touched, the only way they could have a whispering conversation quiet enough to not disturb the people around them. At least if Tom would hear anything.

"Well, this is all your fault you know," he continued.

She turned her head to look at him. "What?" she hissed and glared his way.

He turned his head and met her eyes. "You started poking around. It woke me up," he whispered with a grin.

"You look far too amused for me to take you seriously." She glanced around at the others.

"We're alive. A little discomfort is a price I'm willing to pay for that," he replied and leaned the back of his head against the console, continuing to grin.

She turned to look at him again. "I wonder if they suffered," she whispered pensively.

Tom sighed and his grin faded before looking at her. "If they did, it didn't last for long."

B'Elanna nodded. She knew that of course, but her own memories of the encounter with the Vidiians had been awoken and it was difficult not to think about the other Voyager's last moments, what their counterparts must have gone though. That was the real reason behind her inability to sleep. She didn't want to risk dreaming about it. Not here, in this room, with everyone around her. She was sure she'd dream again and she didn't want to reveal she had such dreams at times.

"Are you okay?" Tom asked.

She quickly threw him a look and opened her mouth to assure him she was, but she closed it again. Her eyes darted over the ones closest to her but they showed no sign of waking up.

"Hey," he whispered nudging her slightly and she turned back to him.

"I've been better," she admitted. "I don't want to fall asleep with everyone around me in case... " She didn't finish the sentence but she saw understanding dawning on him.

"Is there any place around here that's not this crowded?" he wondered. She shook her head in response and he sighed. "You have to sleep. I know you need less sleep than the rest of us, save the Vulcans, but you'll start making mistakes soon unless you get at least a few hours here and there. Is there anything, any kind of feel safe tricks you have? Anything you used as a kid?"

She considered it for a moment. The one thing she'd had as a child was her blanket which now lay in her quarters which she couldn't get to. Unfortunately it hadn't helped her with her dreams before and she didn't think it would now. Especially not when it was in a place she couldn't get to. She shook her head and told him.

"Well, somehow you have to brave it," he whispered back. "Think about it this way, to your left you've got me who already know about it. To your right you have the captain, and though she's careful to not reveal anything, I know she's been through difficult experiences. She knows what it's like. We're the ones you'd wake up if you wake anyone."

She smiled. It was touching that he tried to make her feel better about it, but it didn't really do much about her discomfort. "I think I'll just sit here for a while and plan our work," she replied. "But thanks. I appreciate it," she added when she saw his face darken.

Tom drew a deep breath and forced himself to look cheerful. "Well then. I can just as well make you company. I have a few things to plan myself," he whispered back and leaned over to his bed and fished up a padd hidden under the pillow.

B'Elanna gave him a long look, but didn't say anything. With a light sigh she leaned her head back at the console and closed her eyes and started thinking about the work ahead.

A few hours later Chakotay woke up to his personal alarm buzzing. Wasting no time he quickly but carefully got out of his bed, straightened it out and got on his feet. Taking stock of who was asleep and who wasn't, he noticed something which made him pause for a moment. Up against a console, next to the captain's sleeping form, he spotted two people. B'Elanna leaned on Paris' shoulder, quite clearly asleep, while Paris was awake but looking rather rumpled, padd in hand reading something. As Chakotay started moving he looked up and flashed a short apologetic smile before returning to the text in front of him. Chakotay shook his head as he started making his way towards the temporary command centre. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't understand the nature of their relationship, Torres and Paris. There was no hint of disrespect or flirtation from Paris and no indication on B'Elanna's part about her previous anger, which he had witnessed before the scheme to flush out the spy had been revealed. His face darkened. If he ever suspected Paris of misbehaviour in any way towards B'Elanna, he'd castigate that conceited brat, making sure Paris never acted that way again. And that was a promise. With a determined stride he left the peaceful scene behind to get on with his day.


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Innocence_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. Mr. Paris is back from being Janeway's personal chauffeur and has a coffee with his friend Harry.

* * *

><p>"That little sightseeing with the captain went well, I assume?" Harry asked as he poured some of Neelix' coffee in a mug.<p>

Tom snorted. "Pre-flight check, what's that? We seem to skip that part every time we get in to a shuttle together," he said with amusement and held out a mug for Harry to pour the coffee in.

Harry looked up and raised an eyebrow. "I didn't think she was that eager," he said nonchalantly.

Tom looked up and his eyes narrowed. "Don't even think of going there," he said warningly.

Harry shrugged and tried to look like he had no idea what Tom was talking about. "I don't know what you're thinking about, but I was thinking about Tuvok, poor man, on a strange new world with only children to keep him company." He smiled and by now he couldn't hide the mischievousness.

"Harry, I'm going to whip your ass at the pool table next time we play," Tom threatened as they started walking away from the service station in the mess hall looking for a table.

"Says the man who can't whip my ass for real." Harry grew even more smug.

Tom snorted and put down his mug on the empty table they had found. "I am not going to risk any piece of myself in parrises squares. I like myself far too much to put myself through that kind of physical stupidity." He sat down. Harry imitated a chicken sound. "It's not getting you anywhere Harry," Tom coolly stated and lifted the mug to his lips to drink. Harry did the same.

"See that's the thing," Tom continued. "I don't have to prove myself like that. I already have the hotshot job on this boat. Add to that my fast and furious life before ending up here. It made me _wise_ Harry. Wise enough to know that bodily harm isn't proving a man's worth." Tom looked as smug as Harry had done moments before.

Harry laughed reluctantly. Swashbuckling with Tom usually ended with a Paris touché and this time was no different. "How do you do it?" he asked.

Tom looked like a question mark. "What do you mean?" he asked.

"Rhetorically. Every time I think I've got you, you simply... slide out what I thought was a corner," Harry explained.

"It's because it's not a corner. You just think it is," Tom replied and took another mouthful of the coffee. "I wasn't kidding when I said those years made me wise. They did. I blew a lot of brain cells during those years, I'll give you that, but it wasn't a complete waste of time. Or braincells. Doc probably wouldn't agree though," he grinned.

"Probably not," Harry grinned back.

"I wouldn't recommend it to anyone, but looking back I realise I learned a lot about myself and the world around me. I realised the world wasn't synonymous with Starfleet for instance. To me that was a huge revelation. There's a lot of people back home who couldn't care less, or when they care, think Starfleet should go to hell, and I'm not talking about any of the usual antagonists but ordinary humans. Suddenly my name could mean the difference between warm meals and being grounded because no one wanted me in the pilot's chair. I thought I could virtually wow myself out of everything because I was so damn good, save that one instance. It was a shock when I couldn't, when some even called me tenderfoot." He paused and had some more coffee. "It took me a while to just wrap my mind around the concept of actual physical currency for instance, a thing which shapes the world for the people out there. That world was as alien to me as any of the ones we've come across here. To be honest, when Chakotay picked me up I wasn't in a very good shape and I needed that job. Desperately. I didn't tell him that though." Tom smiled a lopsided grin. "It's true I sold myself to the highest bidder, but I didn't tell him he was the _only_ bidder at that time." Tom laughed and Harry joined in.

"I'm glad those years are behind me though," Tom continued when their laughter died down. "They were not only tough on me physically, but it was a pretty lonely time in my life. I didn't make friends and I stayed away from real closeness, but it's not really in my nature to be a loner like that. It was part of the way I punished myself."

Harry shook his head. "I still feel pretty green, especially when I think about what you have been through."

"It's not a contest," Tom gently said. "You're getting there. With most of those braincells intact, mind you."

Harry chuckled and nodded. "True," he agreed. He had some coffee and sat nursing the mug as moments went by until he finally looked up at Tom. "How are things going with B'Elanna?" he asked.

Tom's eyebrows shot up. "Aren't you talking?" he asked in surprise.

Harry looked down. "Of course we do. We just don't talk about personal stuff much. Hardly anything in fact."

Tom crossed his arms over his chest. "She's a pretty private person," he said.

"Oh, I know that," Harry said and swirled the coffee around in his mug and looked up. "She was pretty upset during that spy chase," he continued.

"She was," Tom agreed and was silent for long moments. Leaning forward on his elbows he eventually continued. "We have talked some. We get on with life, with work. She's not too angry with me. She understands, she just didn't like it. She still don't." He sighed. "It takes a while to build trust, especially with her. We were getting there, and then the spy happened. She knows why I did it, but she's not entirely certain that the old Tom Paris, the way I acted - because it was in many ways an act back then too - isn't going to re-appear. I have to earn her trust all over again."

"Tough," Harry said with sympathy.

Tom shrugged. "It's what it is and I expected it." He sat back and glanced around the room. "It'll be fine eventually. With Chakotay it's a different story. There wasn't a whole lot of trust between him and me before, and that agent adventure created a chasm I have no idea how to bridge. I don't know where to start. It has come to a point when I'm not so sure I can care about it. Maybe I should just let it... be. Go on with my business to the best of my ability and let that be enough. He's the first officer and it's his job to keep his own personal views in check and be a professional. If I do the same perhaps it'll get better some day."

Harry nodded. "You can't be friends with everyone," he said.

Tom snorted. "What a cliché."

Harry sighed. "But it's true." He downed the coffee. "I think sticking to being a professional, not trying to reach out, is the best thing you can do. He'd probably not think you were serious if you did try and reach out. Time might calm things down to a level when it's meaningful to try and patch things up."

Tom nodded. "Yeah, I have been thinking the same thing." He picked up the mug and had the last of its content. "Time for some more resource gazing in stellar cartography, or what do you say?" he continued cheerfully.

"All work and no play. Tom Paris in a nutshell," Harry joked and rose from his chair.

"Hey, I'm trying to be a professional here!" he grinned and got out of his chair too. Harry only chuckled in response as they headed for the mess hall doors.


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _The Thaw_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. Klingon 101 – what every flyboy need to know about Klingon physiology.

* * *

><p>She was angry. Very angry. The Klingon part of her threatened to take over and her efforts to stop it from manifesting itself had not been very effective. Like a caged tiger she was pacing back and forth in her room. She'd need to do something very soon or she'd actually throw furniture at the walls and scream. In the middle of a step she stopped, looked at her closet and decided that the best way to deal with this was to pay a visit to one of the holodecks. Two minutes later she left her quarters, wasting no time to get to holodeck 1.<p>

When she accessed the possible programs she could run, she all but hit the screen. There were novels, exercise programs, scenic vistas, all sorts of programs, but it all became a blur when she in her frustration didn't find something fitting immediately. Breathe, she ordered herself, and closed her eyes before giving it another try, a bit more calm this time. With a triumphant grin she tapped in the right codes, took a deep breath and stepped through the doors.

The environment was the standard cave kind, not very original she decided, but it served its purpose. She stopped and listened before continuing.

"Computer, no blade weapons," she ordered. "We don't want to get too carried away," she continued quietly, carefully moving further in to the caves. Seconds ticked on but nothing happened. Frustration started building inside her as she carefully searched the space not finding what she was looking for. Suddenly she realised she was back to where she had started and stopped. A sound was heard to her left, and she instinctively leaped to her right and curled up like a cat ready to strike. In the corner of her eye she saw the attacker and threw herself at him, keeping herself close to the ground in an attempt to force him out of balance by hitting him under his waist. The attacker anticipated her move somewhat causing her to not hit him as planned, but was sent flying, landing hard on the ground. She instantly rolled to her left and the attacker missed her with a hair's breadth as he threw himself after her. Quickly she pulled up her feet and kicked as hard as she could with the soles of her feet hitting his side. This time she got a clean hit and the opponent growled. Before he could recover she rolled to her right away from him and got on her feet, keeping her fingertips on the ground in front of her, waiting as the other person got on his feet. As he rose to his full length she rose to but kept a slightly hunching posture.

For a few moments they circled each other before he attacked again with a cry. B'Elanna tried to avoid his attack to get the upper hand but he was quicker than anticipated and her own strike was blocked and instead he smashed his elbow low in to her ribs. Despite the pain and temporary loss of air she attacked him back, also utilising her elbow, and hit him just behind his ear. He stumbled away from her a step and she followed immediately and hit him again in the same manner. By now he was down too low for her to be able to punch effectively with her elbow so she quickly jumped back and kicked him in his face as hard as she could with a guttural cry. With a groan the opponent sagged and sunk down on the floor. She regained balance and stood still, watching her opponent's still body, panting heavily and with her hands halfway up in case this was a ruse. When he hadn't moved for several seconds, she decided it was over.

"Computer, pause program," she heard behind her. Still panting she hung her head and let down her guard before turning around.

"Do you always barge in on people when they're running a program?" she asked, revealing that her voice was slightly raspy.

"Water?" Tom offered and threw her a bottle. She caught it but didn't immediately open it. "No I usually don't. However, I had my heart set on a run, you know, a soft woodland lane, sun shining though the canopy, not too hot... But someone was running the infamous Klingon cave program, and I had an idea who that might be. What can I say? I got curious." He looked around at the surroundings, the uneven walls and ceiling, the sandy floor and the flickering lights from torches and lamps on the walls. "Cosy," was his dry remark.

B'Elanna was thankful for the poor light because she knew she was blushing. She opened the bottle and drank eagerly from it. "I didn't invent it," she replied and put the lid back on the bottle.

Tom chuckled. "Caves doesn't float your boat?" he asked.

"It's a pastiche," she said curtly. Tom chuckled again in response. "I know who created it," she continued. "I know it's accurate. It's just... so damn Klingon," she said and looked around her.

"So why choose this program?" he asked and looked straight at her.

"Just how many programs exist in that database meant for hand to hand combat?" she asked.

"There's got to be some?" Tom replied.

She looked over at him with a grimace. "Tom, I'm half-Klingon. Are you able to grasp what that means?" she asked and walked slowly up to him.

He turned to face her and put his hands on his hips and feigned thinking for a moment. "I think I have to say no. I don't. I'm only a puny human," he replied with amusement lacing his voice.

She stopped and mimicked his posture. "I may be half-Klingon, but I'm still stronger than a human. I'm faster too. Naturally I have to consider the effects of someone being taller and heavier than I am, but as long as I take that in to consideration, an ordinary human don't stand a chance." She paused and brought out the bottle and unscrewed the lid and drank. "Add to that the way a Klingon brain is wired... " she didn't end the sentence.

Tom tilted his head and watched her with fascination. "Just how _are_ Klingons wired?" he asked not even trying to mask his curiosity.

She glanced up at him. "Let's just say I'm hard-wired for aggressive hostility. My human side can keep it in check – somewhat – but only to a certain degree. In a hostile situation I _will_ attack with everything I've got." She drank some more. "I don't experience fear, the way a human would." Her lips quirked slightly. "It was a revelation when I lost my Klingon side. I never knew humans felt such _fear_," she mused. "I fear other things, but when I'm in a dangerous situation, I don't feel fear. I feel anger. I wonder if that was why that clown let me go and kept Harry. He knew he would never be able to subdue me with fear." she looked up at Tom.

He nodded slowly. "Possible," he nodded. "So why are you here then?" he asked and threw the still body on the cave floor a glance.

"I lost," she said simply.

"Lost?" he echoed.

B'Elanna sighed. "That clown? He triggered the bloodrush in me and I couldn't suppress it the way I normally can. It was inevitable I guess. It works on other species, sending them in to a state of fear which is the basis for his existence. When he did that to me, my physical response was bloodrush. I can't do anything about that, only hold it back, unless I lose control over it, and I was about to do that." She shrugged.

Tom nodded. He was trying to rack his brain to remember what they had been taught about Klingons but he had to admit that he couldn't remember much. "Maybe I should freshen up on Klingon physiology. In case we get medical situations requiring it," he said with a neutral voice.

She gave him a long look and crossed her arms. "Right. Medical situations," she said flatly.

"It could happen," he replied.

"I'm touched," she said and sarcasm leaked in to her voice.

"You're welcome," he said with a grin.

B'Elanna shook her head and smiled reluctantly. "I'm done so I think I'll go back to my place," she said and lifted the now almost empty bottle. "Thanks," she said and held it out half-heartedly.

"Keep it. I'll replicate another one," Tom replied. They went outside and Tom started tapping in the holodeck codes for his preferred program.

"See you later," she said as she lingered next to him.

He looked up and smiled. "Yeah."

She turned and started walking towards the turbolift and Tom watched her leave before turning back to the display. He was definitely going to find that Klingon file in the database he decided as he tapped in the last code and turned to enter the room.


	25. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Tuvix_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. Flyboy is once more being the resident cab driver.

* * *

><p>"Going through pre-flight sequence," Tom said as he started tapping on the display in front of him. "Thrusters, impulse engines, warp drive... " he kept going through the list while B'Elanna followed it on her display while keeping an eye on the scans of the surface.<p>

"Planetary scans indicate a stable weather pattern on the designated landing site." She turned to look at Tom. "It's a perfect day for a field excursion," she continued.

"Happy to hear that. Always makes the flying so much easier when there are no electrical storms or other nuisances. Engines are ready for take off. Paris to bridge, depressurise the shuttle bay and open the space doors." Muting the comlink he turned to B'Elanna. "It's nice to not have to act like I stole something and need a quick get away."

"_*Safe journey. Bridge out,*_" Harry said over the comlink and the doors opened in front of them.

B'Elanna smiled slightly. "I prefer if we just take this nice and slow, go down there, get our job done and go home with no shuttle craft accidents." She turned to look at Tom. "I'm not even going to consider being beamed out of there with you if anything happens, so you make sure it doesn't."

Tom huffed. "Do I look like a mediocre first year cadet to you?" After tapping in some more commands he continued, "I'll have you know that I'm on top of things," he announced keeping his eyes on various readings coming up on screen, missing B'Elanna shooting him a look and a slight grin.

"Well, if anything this has taught us to stop sending people down using the transporter without thorough scans," she said.

Tom glanced in her direction briefly and his eyebrows climbed several millimetres. "My guess is that the shuttle crafts will be used more." He looked back at his displays. "I don't want to be reduced to a taxi driver so I hope they'll start using the rest of the conn. crew more if that's the case."

"You're still the best one we have and putting down a shuttle can be tricky, so I think you'd better get used to the idea," she replied.

"Flattering my ego isn't going to work, lieutenant." He glanced at her. "This is still just being a glorified cab driver."

She smiled slightly. "Though I can fly this tin can, I prefer when someone else is doing it and it's nice that it's not just the captain who is given the honour of having the best pilot at the helm."

Tom turned and looked at her with a frown. "B'Elanna, is something wrong?" he asked.

She looked back at him with surprise. "No, nothing. Why?" she replied.

"You're showering me with praise here. Call me suspicious, but I'm not used to that from you," he said and glanced back at his display.

B'Elanna looked down and felt a bit ashamed. "I'm sorry Tom. I never meant you to think I didn't think you were good at this. I guess I just didn't want to come across as... you know, the usual fan club."

He looked back at her and raised his eyebrows. "I don't think anyone would suspect you of belonging to a fan club. Mine or anyone else's." He paused and smiled. "Apology accepted though."

"I never got around to thanking you for getting me out of the Pralor ship," she continued. "I was sure I was going to die there when you got me out."

Concentrating on flying Tom replied, "We couldn't just leave you there and I knew I could fly in and get you out. There's no need to thank me for that."

"It was risky," she pointed out.

"And I won't leave anyone in such a situation if I can help it. There were arguments that it was too risky but I think it was just a lack of imagination," he replied with a lopsided grin.

B'Elanna looked at him and smiled reluctantly. He had a certain air around him as he was talking about this particular situation while flying the shuttle, that kind of air which ticked off some people she knew. By now she had realised that they were not so unlike, though she didn't like to admit it. She was an engineer, but she was the same kind of engineer as Tom was a pilot. Damn good at what they were doing – and knowing they were.

"I may be good at flying, but it won't help us anywhere if the ship is coming apart in the seams because we lost our chief engineer," he concluded and turned to look at B'Elanna. "We're not that many and we can't afford to lose people."

How easily he made it sound like she was no different than anyone else and that he'd offer to fly in and risk his life like that for anyone. Harry's words came back to her. Just like in the olden days, B'Elanna, like a knight in shining armour, rescuing the fair maiden. When protesting, Harry had simply said that she hadn't been there to witness the fencing between Tom and Chakotay. He went on to recap what had been going on when she and Tuvok had ended up in captivity, how Tom had once more donned the armour to boldly go on a rescue mission which later turned out to be somewhat anticlimactic for the resident hero. The lowest common denominator had been her, and not just in those two instances. She had pointed out that it had been the captain who'd gotten the dubious honour of accompanying him on the warp 10 adventure. Harry replied that they had all tried to jump him in engineering and that Tom's main priority had been to get out of there. The captain had been the easy prey that day.

Their discussions on this topic had died when Tom had turned in to a jerk, not to be resumed again, but lately it had started to trickle back in, the uncertainty not knowing where she had Tom. He was a colleague of course, a friend, definitely someone she knew she could talk to about difficult things with and on occasion she believed Harry might just be right. On the other hand, he hadn't asked her out, was not flirting with her the way he did with certain other women on this ship and rumours had it he was still eyeing Nicoletti. B'Elanna sighed. She was not going to confront him about it. All she had were hunches and what Harry had said, and as much as she liked Harry, he hadn't majored in human relations. Besides, she wasn't really willing to do some soul searching on this either. Her anger when he had acted like an idiot had scared her and she did not want to face the reason why she had been so angry. She buried it deep deep down, hoping it would all pass very quickly. Not thinking about it, not admitting it was even there, ignoring everything connected to it. It didn't exist as far as she was concerned.

In the other chair Tom was eyeing the half-Klingon woman next to him in the corner of his eye. She had gone uncharacteristically quiet after their initial chat and he wondered what she had on her mind. Things had started to come back to normal between them but sometimes he sensed the distance, like now. He didn't quite know how to bridge it in a natural way. Her anger seemed to have dissipated, but their friendly banter hadn't quite come back. All he had were hunches so bringing it up to discussion wasn't something he was willing to do. She was important and he was not going to let her to think she was like any other woman on this ship.

"Approaching the upper atmosphere," she announced in a matter of fact tone.

Keeping an eye on his readings he replied, "Looking good from here. Adjusting entry vector."

He noticed she threw him a quick look. "Now don't you worry. It was just a slight correction, making the ride more smooth."

She grinned. "I wasn't worrying about it. I just realised I wouldn't have made the same correction," she said.

"And that's why I'm in this seat and you're not," he retorted lightly hearing her snorting next to him.

"Landing site within visual range," she said. "It is indeed a beautiful morning down here," she continued.

"There's nothing like a sunrise," he replied.

"You're not even looking at it!" she exclaimed when she noticed he didn't even glance at it.

"I'm about to land a shuttle craft. I'll join you in sunrise gazing in a moment," he replied with a smile and continued to work on the landing process. "And the eagle has landed," he announced once they had touched down on the ground safely. He gazed out through the view screen. "Too many trees for a clear view of the sunrise right here I'm afraid," he continued.

B'Elanna got out of her seat. "Come on Paris. We have work to do," she said.

"What happened to watching the sunrise?" he replied and got out of his chair as well.

"Tuvix?" she suggested.

"Ah, yeah that. But surely a few minutes spent on watching the beautiful scenery won't make any difference?" he tried again. B'Elanna threw him an amused look and opened the hatch to climb out.

"Work," was all she said and climbed out.

He sighed theatrically and grabbed his share of the equipment and followed her out the hatch.


	26. Chapter 26

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Resolutions_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. Okay, so I'm assuming a few things here. One, that since Tuvok became captain Paris was promoted to XO and two, that B'Elanna can lose control of her Klingon self when she's under emotional pressure, and would do so with Tom at this point. I'm willing to admit T'Pol is the inspiration to this scene, what can happen when we lose much and isn't dealing with it.

* * *

><p>B'Elanna tapped her combadge. "Torres to Kim, are you alone?" she asked.<p>

"_*Hold on.*_" Moments passed by. "_*There, we can talk,*_" Harry said.

"Do you have any idea where Tom is?" she asked tilting her head slightly.

"_*No. It's not his shift so he's not on the bridge. I saw him leave earlier. Have you tried his quarters or the XO's office?*_" he said.

"Tried those already. The computer told me he was in his quarters when I couldn't find him in that little closet he calls his office. He's not in his quarters though," she said holding up a combadge with her hand looking at it.

"_*How do you know he's not there? He could just be asleep or not feeling like answering,*_" Harry quipped.

She rolled her eyes and sighed. "Harry, I know because I'm standing inside his quarters. He's not here. Only his combadge is."

"_*How did you...*_" She heard a sigh. "_*You broke in to his quarters.*_"

"I didn't exactly _break_ in to it. That's besides the point anyway. He's not here and he left his combadge. Can you scan and see if you can find his life signs?"

"_*Hold on,*_" Harry said and concern laced his voice. B'Elanna hid the badge in her clenched fist and started pacing as she was waiting. "_*He is in the shuttlebay,*_" Harry suddenly said.

"The shuttlebay?" she echoed. "Thanks Harry. Torres out." She was already walking through the door when she ended the transmission, heading for the turbolift. Why had he removed his combadge? And why was he in the shuttlebay? She felt like she was in a race against time somehow, that Tom had gotten a stupid idea and she might already be too late to stop him. She refused to think about possible scenarios, but her heart had parked itself in her throat. The journey seemed to take forever and people was getting on and off on her way down through the ship. At one point she nearly growled and hurled Hogan out of the lift when he stopped holding the door while ending a conversation. He suddenly turned and gave her that look he had when he knew she was not in a good mood and stepped inside. She wondered how he had known but she didn't have time nor did she feel like finding out. When the lift stopped next time she got out of it without even nodding at him.

The shuttlebay was silent but lights were on. Other than that nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary and she moved slowly in to the large room. Suddenly she heard a faint clonk close to one of the shuttles.

"Tom?" she called out with an uncertain voice. The metallic echo her voice created suddenly sounded ominous in her ears and she quickened her step towards the sound she had just heard. Tom's head popped up next to the warp 10 shuttle looking a bit taken aback.

"Hey B'Elanna," he replied and smiled at her.

"What are you doing here?" she asked and her anger almost exploded.

"I was just going over the shuttle," he replied and frowned. It didn't escape him that she was quite upset.

She held up his combadge in front of his face. "You left this in your quarters," she continued still being able to keep the building fury under control.

He looked at it with a blank face at first and then he blew out air and let his eyebrows climb upwards. As he reached out to grab it B'Elanna snatched it away from him and this time she couldn't hold it back any more.

"You scared me half to death Tom! I have been running around chasing you over the whole damn ship! I had no idea what had happened, where you were and when I found the combadge and Harry told me you were here I thought... I thought... " She couldn't find the right words and stopped temporarily, almost shaking. "Qu'vatlh!" she cried. "You t'oohomIrah, don't you ever do this to me again!" The red haze threatened to completely overtake her and she realised a little too late that her human side had abdicated. She turned away from Tom and lifted the foldaway ladder next to him and hurled it in the bulkhead behind him with a cry coming from somewhere deep inside of her where all the bottled up frustration and grief was, now welling up like a molten lava stream.

Tom's eyes grew wide. He had sensed the vibrating anger when she had held up his combadge but he hadn't expected it to explode like this. It was clear this was her Klingon side at its worst and that he needed to think fast or he'd end up in sickbay. Don't back off, he quickly remembered, and in a split second while B'Elanna was regaining her balance after throwing the ladder, he hurled himself forward hitting her around her waist with his full weight, lifting her off the ground and sending them both to the floor. Before she could get the better of him he managed to get hold of her hands twisting them up on her back, keeping his full weight on her back hoping he wouldn't injure her.

"B'Elanna, calm down!" he said trying to sound calm himself. She spat with great effort a long incoherent sentence of invectives he didn't need a dictionary to interpret.

"B'Elanna, listen to me. I'm sorry I scared you. I didn't meant to do it. I forgot putting my combadge on this overall when I changed to go down here. I have been a bit absent-minded lately and I simply forgot. Do you hear me?" he asked and looked down at her anxiously. She was panting heavily and didn't seem to even hear him. She didn't respond. He drew a breath in frustration.

"I'm going to hold you here until you calm down," he told her as coolly as he could. Great Tom, he thought. You have an absolutely furious Klingon to deal with and you just declared war on her. This better work or you're toast. He decided talking was the only way he could continue this.

"You need to breathe and focus. We can talk, but I'm not going to let you go until I know you have landed again. All I can say is that I'm very sorry about all of this. I didn't do it intentionally. I would never do anything stupid, not that kind of stupid anyway. I just felt like working with my hands and I figured this was the best place to do that since we're not going to be using the warp 10 shuttle any time soon, at least not until we have removed the engine from it and returned it to a normal shuttle again. I've had so much to do and think about I simply wanted to do something which didn't remind me of paperwork and duty roosters... " He stopped and sighed. Listening to her breathing he could tell her breathing had changed. Whether she actually had calmed down was another matter.

"B'Elanna, are you listening?" he asked.

She only breathed for a few moments and then she managed to give him a nod.

"If I let you go now, will you be okay?" he continued.

"You mean, will _you_ be okay," she growled through her clenched teeth.

"It's part of it, yeah. I'm not letting you go until I know you have calmed down B'Elanna." He kept his voice calm and as friendly as he could in such a hostile situation.

She opened her mouth slightly breathing almost normally. "I will not harm you," she rasped. He immediately released his grip and helped her to sit.

"Stay here," he said and hurried to the entrance where a replicator was located and ordered water in a bottle. When he came back to her she had curled up with her head buried in her arms. He touched her back and she jerked her head up and revealed that she was crying. Immediately he dropped down next to her. "B'Elanna, how are you doing?" he asked and didn't bother to hide his worried tone and face.

She took a couple of deep breaths before answering. "I'm sorry Tom," she croaked.

He shook his head. "I'm okay. No need to apologise," he replied. He picked up the bottle and handed it to her and she grabbed it and drank eagerly. She tried to clean up her face with her left hand after drinking, not succeeding particularly well.

"I lost control," she said and her voice was flat. "I shouldn't have taken it out on you. I was worried, but... it got out of hand... It wasn't just because I was angry at you, everything just... exploded." She was quiet for a moment. "I have lost... " she started whispering but her whisper was cut off by a choking sound. She was quiet for a few moments. "I have lost Chakotay, the only one even close to being family," she managed to whisper. "We have lost the only person I thought would be able to get us home."

Tom had no idea what to do. Despite having shared Voyager life with B'Elanna for almost 18 months, he had no idea how to handle this situation. He finally decided this was a moment when he would brave her aversion to any kind of comforting, reached out his hand and gently stroked her cheek with his thumb. She looked up at him but didn't pull away and for long moments they just sat there, silently looking at each other while Tom caressed her cheek.

"Thank you," she said and her voice suddenly sounded very loud. Tom looked around and B'Elanna pulled away slightly. She started looking around her and got on all four and reached out and picked something up. Once she sat down next to him again she opened her right hand and held it out to him. In it was his combadge. He picked it up and put it on.

"I promise I won't forget it again," he said.

"You'd better not," she said with a reluctant smile.

He hung his head for a moment. "I never imagined... I would never... " he started saying but she cut him off.

"My imagination got a bit carried away there for a moment. All I could think about was that I was about to lose one more... " She shook her head. "I felt like I was slowly losing everything keeping me standing. Seska, Banderas, Jonas, Chakotay, the captain... " B'Elanna looked up. "When I found your combadge I thought you were going to leave, do something stupid, and that we'd lose you as well. It got a bit too much." She looked down again.

Tom nodded and sighed. "I'm not going anywhere if I can help it, I promise," he said gently. She looked up and met his eyes without saying anything. Suddenly BElanna looked down with obvious embarrassment.

"I must look like a complete mess." Her hair fell partly over her face but Tom could tell she was blushing.

"Nothing a brush and some water can't fix," he replied calmly and got on his feet and reached out his hand. "Come, lets get over to that replicator." She looked up and reached out her hand and he helped her on her feet. Together they walked through the shuttlebay towards the replicator.

"I'd better talk to Harry," she said and tapped her combadge. "Torres to Kim. I found him. We're all good," she said.

"_*Is something wrong?*_" Harry asked clearly worried.

"No. No, nothing is wrong. Torres out." She ended the transmission.

Tom raised his eyebrows. "I think we've better find poor Harry once you're done here. I don't think that calmed his nerves much."

She nodded and turned to the replicator. "Hairbrush, standard size. Towel, small," she ordered. Tom held out the bottle and she took it from him and started splashing water in her face before using the towel to dry her face. With quick strokes she sorted out her hair and as quickly as she could she disposed of everything.

"Let's find Harry," she said looking up at Tom.


	27. Chapter 27

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Basics pt 1_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. They say that in love and war anything goes. Harry believes it also applies to half-Klingons who are about to go in to hypothermia.

* * *

><p>"And I was complaining about the camping in engineering," B'Elanna muttered as she made her way through the brush. "It's seismic, has volcanoes, some sort of natives in hides... and no water," she continued and stopped, looking out over the landscape about to witness a glowing sunset.<p>

"There's got to be water somewhere," Harry pointed out while touching something looking a lot like a bush of some sort. "Actually, considering just how many of these there are around," he picked a twig from the bush he had been touching, "there must be a steady supply underground. This looks a lot like what you see if you travel towards Los Angeles. It's dry down there, but it's not completely lacking water." He kept studying it. "It's just a matter of finding the oasis," he continued.

B'Elanna smiled at him. "I didn't know you were such an expert on desert landscapes," she said and then sighed. "I did take a botanical science class, but right now I feel like fish out of water," she said also picking up a twig from a bush, holding it up to take a look at it. "Doesn't look too tasty."

"It probably isn't." Harry looked towards the setting sun. "Problem is that we're running out of time. I'd say we have about 45 minutes before we'll need flash lights to find our way back, which we don't have. Scan the area. We're looking for areas in deep shade with trees clustering around and in them. Don't forget to memorise landmarks, particularly ones the sun will shine on the longest," he said calmly and headed up on a small rise in the landscape.

The obvious order didn't escape her, but she had to acknowledge that Harry probably had more of this kind of experience since he had taken the survival training course, while she hadn't. Out here knowledge counted, not rank. She turned to scan the area systematically but she couldn't see any indication of any hollows or trees. For a moment she was distracted by the landscape itself bathing in the reddening light foreboding the sunset and she found it surprisingly beautiful.

"I think I have found something," Harry said and she turned to see for herself but she couldn't see anything where she stood. She joined him on the rise where Harry pointed it out to her. They started hiking towards it with as much speed as they could muster. It took them longer than she had anticipated to reach it but once there they found a more lush vegetation and it was obvious this was a place favoured by the animals in the area. There was no open water as far as they could see, but this hollow was in deep shade making it difficult to explore it. Water could be present thought they couldn't see it now. They quickly made their way down in to it for a quick check up.

"We can't stay for more than a few minutes," Harry said as he quickly scanned the surroundings. B'Elanna nodded and spotted something looking familiar.

"I think we've found something," she said, catching his attention. They knelt next to a plant weaving itself in to the surrounding vegetation and Harry picked one of the elongated fruits to start examining it the old-fashioned way while she watched. A smile spread over his features.

"It's some sort of a cucumber-like plant. Should at least provide us with liquid," he announced. "Start picking!" he told her and rose to head further down. He soon returned. "It's a reasonably large depression so we'll have to come back to it tomorrow to explore it properly. As it is we have no choice but to leave. It's dark very soon so let's try and cover as much ground as possible. She rose and followed Harry up the slope and out of the hollow.

As they climbed over the edge on to the flat plateau the sun was touching the mountainous horizon and the world was glowing red. For a moment they stopped and watched the majestic scenery of the sinking red sun, the red earth and the glowing sky above. Harry's chest heaved and despite his company he felt the loneliest he had felt since he had ended up in the Delta quadrant. He glanced to his right where B'Elanna had stopped but he didn't see the same kind of reaction in her. Perhaps she hid it better he thought and turned back to the scenery in front of him.

"I wonder what it is in a setting sun that stir emotions the way it does," she said and her voice had something cryptic about it.

"It's because it's an ending," he replied and his gloom was unmistakable.

B'Elanna didn't even glance at him and hardly registered Harry's dour mood. She was full of her own memories, the sunset on Qo'noS when she was struck with the realisation that she was as alien on the Klingon home world as she had ever been on Kessik IV, the one on Earth when she decided she couldn't handle Starfleet academy any more, the last time she had seen her mother when leaving for Earth, her father's departure... and now here. This could be it, she realised. Her eyes was drawn to the darkening sky above where stars had started to show behind them. Out there somewhere was Tom. Please please don't die, she silently pleaded. She looked down and tried not to think about the fact that he already could be dead, slowly drifting with the rest of the debris from his shuttle in the cold dark space above her head.

"We'd better get on the way. It's heartbreakingly beautiful but we've got a long way back to camp," Harry said and set himself in motion. B'Elanna followed him silently. They kept walking in silence, both deep in their own thoughts.

As the dark night fell the temperature did the same and B'Elanna soon started to shiver despite their brisk walk. Her hands started going numb and a stiffness started to spread in her body causing her to stumble on occasion. Suddenly Harry heard the unmistakable sound of someone toppling over and a long harangue of curses from B'Elanna.

"Are you okay?" he asked and walked over to her to help her. Her cucumber-like fruits had ended up on the ground and she was clearly shivering. He reached out to help her up and realised that her hands were very cold and he looked at her in surprise.

"Klingons don't do well when it's cold" she explained. "We need to keep moving. Just help me gather those... things," she continued and Harry started quickly picking them up.

"Would my jacket help?" he asked.

"There's no point in you freezing too. If we keep moving I'll at least generate some heat," she replied. "Come, let's move."

Harry nodded but decided to keep himself next to her as much as possible instead of walking ahead, where he couldn't keep an eye on her. B'Elanna's increasing stiffness slowed them down, but they were still moving with a reasonable pace.

"It feels like my brain is freezing up," B'Elanna suddenly said and her teeth chattered slightly as she spoke.

"We're soon at the camp site," Harry told her and looked up at the night sky. "If we stay here for a while it'd be a good idea to start studying the sky at night. We should be able to navigate at night if we could find a pattern in the stars' movements. And hopefully there's an equivalent to the North Star."

"Fascinating," B'Elanna said through clenched teeth. She refused to let her teeth chatter.

"Are you sure you shouldn't take my jacket?" Harry asked again. "As long as we're on the move I'll be fine without it."

"And then what? It's not like I'll stop freezing once we're back at the camp. Don't try to be a gentleman, Harry. You need your jacket too," she managed to say.

"I bet you wouldn't say no if Tom offered you his jacket," Harry muttered after a short pause.

"What did you say?" B'Elanna demanded and glared at him.

"I said, you wouldn't say no to Tom. He'd just tell you to stop being ridiculous and you'd take it," he persisted.

"I would _not_ take it." B'Elanna clenched her teeth hard and increased her pace.

"You're never as stubborn as when it comes to Tom. You'd never admit that you care about him a lot more than anyone else," Harry pushed on.

"You're wrong," was all she was capable of saying.

"No I'm not. Even when you're angry with him you're more angry than you are with anyone else. That's a tell tell sign B'Elanna."

"A tell tell sign of what?" she shouted.

"You tell me. Only you know just how important he is to you," Harry continued calmly.

"Don't push it," she hissed.

"I'm not pushing. It's for everyone to see, but I admit that I have the best seats in the house."

"We don't even know if he's dead and you're talking as if this was middle school! He could be floating debris halfway between here an that Talaxian colony!" She stopped and turned towards Harry.

"You're not chattering your teeth any more," he said and smiled.

B'Elanna blinked. She was still cold but he was right, she wasn't shivering and her teeth had stopped their autonomous behaviour. "You riled me up," she realised.

Harry's smile widened in to a grin. "Come on, let's keep moving before you're back at square one again."

"I can't believe you just did that!" she said and followed him.

"It worked, didn't it?" he replied.

"Yeah, but... " she started to say.

"Come on! You're falling behind!" he called out to her. She quickened her step to catch up. He had driven out her cold somewhat but he was right, they needed to keep up momentum. She hoped there would be fires at the camp because she couldn't imagine being still while enduring this cold. Hurry Tom, she thought and glanced up at the night sky.

~ End of season two ~


End file.
